Dear Crone,

I am marrying my wonderful and handsome fiancé in 2026.

We opted to have a smaller wedding, less than 70 people so we could use our money in other ways, like personalized wedding lightsabers.

I know more people will be upset the closer we get to the wedding.

Do you have any creative yet (mostly) polite ways I could tell people, “You aren’t invited?”

Sincerely,

Amused Bride

Dear Amused Bride,

Mazel tov on your upcoming wedding!

I always support saving cash and investing in your relationship (like personalized wedding lightsabers).

You could create a paywall to access your wedding information.

Make a tier with 70-ish people (the ones you invited), and mark it as sold out.

The remaining tier invites can be $1,000 for information.

If they pay it, trust me, you want them there.

Otherwise, chances are the people you don’t invite aren’t going to be the people you’re closest to.

In this case, it's a good idea to be entirely honest about having a small ceremony and limiting the number of guests.

Or send an anti-save the date that gives all the details and ends with “you’ll be missed.”

Maniacally,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I have watched my friends start relationships or even end some during my first year in college.

Yet, I am entering my third year with a weird ache for affection that isn’t parental or friendship.

Where have I done wrong?

Longingly,

Sad Gremlin

Dear Sad Gremlin,

If we exclude parental or fraternal affection, the other option is romantic.

Naturally, I do not have all the information, but you aren’t wrong for wanting something like this.

If your concern instead is out of a fear that you missed out by not pursuing this before your third year in college, I have good news for you:

You haven’t done anything wrong.

Your priorities have shifted, which is typical for anyone as they grow older.

You may need to change your schedule to incorporate social events where you can meet people, but that’s part of maintaining balance in your adult life.

While I recommend pursuing your goals, you must also ensure that you care for yourself without a partner.

A relationship will not magically fix any lingering sadness. Make sure you have a support group to lean on.

I always recommend speaking to a professional.

Third year is by no means the end of it all, and you will continue to grow and experience new things long after you graduate.

The destination is the same; the journey is what matters, and so long as you’re committed to experiencing it, there’s no wrong way to do it.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I have a crush on my supervisor at work and have no idea what to do!

We don't usually see each other, only in a monthly vid-conference but he is always so sweet and I feel safe and heard around him.

What would your advice be?

Anxiously,

Shadow Girl

Dear Shadow Girl,

I’m going to hold your digital hand when I say this. But it sounds like he’s just being professional.

The good news is, your limited interactions imply that a romantic relationship wouldn’t cause workplace drama.

Simultaneously, it isn’t easy to truly know someone if you see them only on a monthly basis.

A crush is fine, as long as we rein it in with some understanding.

You are likely seeing a very specific side of him, one that is geared towards making his subordinates feel comfortable.

If you end up seeing him in person, I recommend flirting, but be prepared that the real deal will vastly differ from the man in the cam.

Honestly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

28 yr old female virgin here.

I'm starting to feel like I just want to get it over with now.

How do I go about doing that?

Guys have never approached me first.

I don't think they ever will, but I still want to feel chased or interest from someone.

Sincerely,

Rosyface

Dear Rosyface,

Unfortunately, your end goal and your desires do not align.

If you want to “get it over with,” you can, quite frankly, fling your snatch at the nearest XY bearer and get laid.

So long as you aren’t in West Hollywood.

But that will not give you the chase or interest you want from the experience.

I cannot get men to approach you, but I can suggest that you look into changing your environment or your habits.

Different social environments will have different vibes, and the people there will have different intentions toward each other.

Similarly, if there are hobbies that will help you develop your self-confidence, you will find that developing your self-perception will subtly shift the way people respond to you.

Whether that’s a gym routine, fashion, sports, or anything you love, finding a social setting geared toward it is a great way to meet people with similar mindsets.

In the end you’ll have to decide, quick and dirty or the chase.

Neither is right or wrong, it’s about what will make you happiest.

Sincerely,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I feel broken.

I just never seem to be "in the mood" except a rare day here and there.

I just lack the urge.

This is causing some tension (I think), even though my fiance says he doesn't mind, his tone seems he's sparing feelings.

What should I do?

Sincerely,

BrokenBits

Dear Bits,

I want to caution that this is best discussed with a professional, as they will have access to far more information and personal history.

With that in mind, a lack of interest can be stress-related, and your day-to-day may have overwhelmed you to the point where sex is on the back burner.

Similarly, this can be hormonal, hence why I truly suggest speaking to a professional.

What I can recommend in the meantime is, when the topic of sex arises, ask yourself if you simply have a lack of interest, or feel as though you should be doing something else.  

Taking care of yourself is always the first step, and understand that this is not you failing as a person, fiance, or partner.

Be kind to yourself.

Gently,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

My brother is getting married and I'm not even sure I'm actually invited.

Like, no one tells me the date, and frankly fucking speaking, everyone has been vague, and that part of my family has the power to make me feel like jumping in front of a truck.

Should I contact them and ask or just fuck that to chill with my books?

Thanks!

Chief Tired

Dear Chief,

Is it possible that you missed the invite?

I would just call your brother and ask for details.

If the answer is no, chill with your books. If the answer is yes, you can still chill with your books.

If you like your brother and are invited, go be there for him!

If you don’t like him, you don’t have to go, but it will do little to improve your familial relationships.

Sometimes, direct and abrupt is better than social espionage.

Upfrontingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I am a single mom of one boy. He’s eight.

Do you have any advice on parenting someone with the same attitude as I did when I was 16?

Send help. He’s killing me.

Sincerely,

Overstimulated Mom

Dear Mom,

Children naturally push boundaries.

They find comfort in knowing exactly where the edge of what they can get away with lies.

My best advice is to ask yourself what you needed when you were sixteen and go be that.

Even if he doesn’t like it.

Being consistent with boundaries requires significant work but pays off massively in the long run.

You are his mom, not his friend.

He can hate you for what you do, but raising him properly is worth a child’s ire.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dearest Crone,

I seek your advice on how to balance what I feel I’m supposed to do as a college student with what I believe I should do to become a writer.

How do I know what’s good for me as a person vs. a writer?

Sending love to both you and Daniel!

Sincerely,

ReWrittenKitteen

Dear ReWrittenKitteen,

What’s good for you as a person is what keeps food on the table, keeps you healthy, and ensures your success in school.

What’s good for a writer is what inspires you, keeps you consistent in your writing, and gives you joy in your work.

The trick is balance.

Scheduling and setting specific times for your writing is always helpful. It is a habit you need to develop as much as any other.

You got this!

Literarily,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

Any advice for "letting go" of trauma beyond accepting that bad things have happened to you?

People always talk about letting go but never seem to give instructions, and I'm becoming increasingly frustrated at my anxiety and my tarot pulls. 🫠

Sincerely,

Anxious Witchling

Dear Witchling,

“Letting go” isn’t merely accepting that bad things have happened to you.

That’s only part of it.

“Letting go” requires understanding how your past has affected you and growing to be what you needed back then.

You don’t let go by dismissing the feelings you still have. You let go by processing them healthily.

There isn’t a time frame, and I always recommend therapy.

Therapeutically,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I would like to know if cutting off my father is the right decision.

This man would constantly put me down for my taste in music and boys.

He also ruins every chance I give him.

I don’t know if it is the right choice.

Sincerely,

Katie, the not so wise

Dear Katie,

To start, it is only feasible to cut off a parent if you are in a financial and safe position to do so.

If your well-being is assured, you need to assess whether seeing your father brings you any sort of benefit or it’s just a source of dread for you.

You can inform him (or attempt to) of your feelings, and if you still feel unheard, then you can begin to cut back on contact.

I suggest utilizing low contact at first to establish boundaries and your willingness to enforce them.

It’s possible you can see change; just be sure to protect yourself.

Safely,

The Crone

Dearest Crone,

As a newer booktok girlie, I find myself more drawn to our shared fantasy men than my own bf.

He's a wonderful golden retriever but there's something so alluring about my fictional men.

Is this normal?

With Love,

Lady Hussie

Dear Lady Hussie,

The purpose of fantasy is to fantasize.

So long as you aren’t neglecting your bf, it’s fine to see the allure.

If there are particular… interests that appeal to you, blueprints, configurations, etc., you can bring them up with your boyfriend and see if he’d be willing to try.

Fantasy is wonderful, and it can be especially fun seeing how you can bring it to life.

Just have a safe word.

Chains and whippingly,

The Crone

Greetings, Venerable Crone (and Daniel :D),

I've seen several creators drag on pregnancy being used as a plot point or device in modern storytelling.

Do you have any tips for writing surrounding pregnancy as a plot or 'uncringe' tropes you'd like to see regarding the subject?

Regards,

A First-Draft Fantasy Author

Dear First-Draft,

The biggest issue with the pregnancy trope is that it tends to eclipse every other aspect of the pregnant character in question.

Suddenly, the woman who slaughtered armies or conquered planets becomes so fragile that every part of the plot becomes about protecting her.

She’s one of the most powerful people in the world?

Too bad, her ovaries functioned normally, so now she needs to be as far away from the action as possible.

It’s the modern version of fridging. So long as your character remains who she is instead of suddenly becoming a womb with two lines of dialogue, I’m sure you can write something enjoyable!

I’m just a skeptic.

Birth controlily,

The Crone

Bookseller Crone!

I read Mystery Thrillers, but I’m exploring Sci-Fi/Fantasy.

It’s an intimidating genre, and I feel lost. I’m not a romance reader.

I do like modernish worldbuilding and interesting magic.

Can you find anything in your database?

Sincerely,

Experimental Bookseller

Dear Bookseller,

If you want to scroll through the Valthakan Archives, you may find some books that catch your eye!

I would suggest Red Sister, The Way of Kings, or The Dollmakers, but see what else you may like!

Or maybe The Name of the Wind, but that’ll never be finished.

Best of luck.

Magically,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I was seeing a guy for weekly sleepovers, but lately, it’s escalated into breakfast dates and beach dates.

He already bought me a toothbrush to keep at his place and an extra towel to shower.

He leaves for Boston in a month.

What do I do?

Sincerely,

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

Do you want a boyfriend?

Because he’s acting like a boyfriend.

He’s showcasing a level of care beyond a standard hookup relationship.

Given that this would be a new relationship, I don’t think long distance is particularly feasible.

You’re welcome to continue enjoying him, though I recommend a specific conversation about each other’s expectations from now on.

There isn’t really a wrong thing to do so long as you aren’t planning on moving to Boston with him.

You aren’t planning on moving to Boston with him, are you?

Romantically,

The Crone

Dearest Crone,

I had the meetest-cute ever.

We talked for hours on a plane and are still texting weeks later.

Problem is, I don’t feel a spark, but she does.

She hasn’t had the courage to bring it up, but I know it’s coming.

I just want a friend.

Thoughts?

Sincerely,

Cute-Met

Dear Cute-Met,

I have a rather odd push-back.

If she never asks to be something serious, are you going to be disappointed?

I always hesitate to ascribe romantic interest to someone else, but you’re far closer to this situation.

If the conversation does happen, all you can say is no.

You don’t feel a spark. You don’t need to explain yourself but understand that she may very well break contact then, and that’s okay.

Just as you may want a friend, she may want a partner, and those are incompatible with your feelings for her.

It’s difficult, but honesty will always save effort in the long run.

Truthfully,

The Crone

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