Dearest Crone (and Daniel, hi!),

I have a best friend who I think is attracted to me and a lot of people in our friend group think we're flirting when we banter.

However, I don't know if I feel the same way.

Am I inadvertently stringing him along by not saying "I don't think I'm ready"?

Concernedly,

Bespectacled Ace

Dear Bespectacled Ace,

You would be stringing him along if you say you’re not ready when you have no intention of being so.

The only question that needs answering is whether you feel an attraction to your best friend.

If you’re unsure, the answer is probably “no.”

In that case, you must make it abundantly clear— without promises that it may change.

Your other friends’ opinions on the matter are, frankly, irrelevant.

Honestly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I had a fwb for a few weeks. He was starting to stray a bit romantic even though I'd been clear I didn't want that.

Then last night he proposed to me.

I told him to bippity boppity back the fuck up and that actually I was done and now he's lashing out and guilt tripping me.

I'm afraid to block him but idk what else to do I can't deal with the guilt.

Cathedrally,

Too (ex)Catholic to Be Allowed Out (the guilt demons, man)

Dear Allowed Out,

The secret way to stop someone guilt-tripping you is to lift your shirt and show your concealed carry¹.

But in all seriousness, why are you afraid to block him?

If you’re worried about him threatening you, you need to look into legal recourse.

But if you’re simply uncomfortable with guilt, block him and deal with it.

Better an uncomfortable feeling than an undesired lifestyle.

The dude has completely ignored your desires and then proposed. Even if the relationship is perfect, that’s insane after a few weeks.

Drop him.

Immediately,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I am about to move in with someone who has a son close to my age who may be living with us.

I'm worried about this dude turning out to be hot, or worse, cool/smart/etc.

With what mindset do you recommend I approach this?

Astrologically,

Lusty Libra

Dear Lusty Libra,

Personally, I think the main concern is whether he’s the opposite of all those things.

I’m a touch… interested in why you haven’t met one of your future roommates… rarely do you get the best end of that deal.

Go into this open-minded and with the understanding that you’re probably more likely to want to lock your door than leave it open a crack.

Don’t let proximity (or the full moon) cloud your judgment.

Bluntly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

Due to astronomical mortgages, I’m having to move out of my childhood home.

I’ve never moved before, this place is all I know.

I’m scared and hesitant, and I deeply resent change.

Any sage wisdom for a first time mover?

Anxiously,

Adrift in the Cosmos

Dear Adrift,

When it comes to moving, give yourself time.

I mean that literally, try to align move-in and move-out dates so that you have several days to pack up your belongings and transport them to your new place.

If you can afford it, hiring movers is definitely worth it for peace of mind.

Otherwise, have your friends help if you can rope them into it!

It will not be a fast process, but you have an opportunity to decorate your new home to your adult tastes.

It may help you to create an inventory of what you are taking with you and keep certain items in the same, labeled boxes.

I also recommend looking through any old photos as you come across them. Bask in the happy memories you’ve made here, and know that you are on your way to making more with this new adventure!

It may be scary, but it’s exciting too!

Give yourself the time to settle. You can do this!

Interior Designily,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

My fiance and I decided to get married in secret for two reasons.

1. No one seemed to care about our wedding, and 2. I am sick and need health insurance.

Now my friends and family (the people who didn't care) are upset because we didn’t have a big wedding.

Elopingly,

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

Mazel tov on your wedding!

I am so proud that you and your fiance decided to do what is best for you both.

Perhaps if there are some friends with whom you would like to celebrate, you can coordinate such a thing, but that’s up to you.

You paid for it, and you were with the only people that needed to be there.

I’m glad you now have health insurance!

I hope you had a wonderful time!

Sincerely,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I've been seeing a guy for two years, and I like him a lot, obviously.

But, my family has a history for altogether too quick romances.

My grandparents got married 5 months after they met.

I want to take it slow because we're young, but I'm also feeling pressure from my family.

How do I politely tell them to fuck off?

Impolitely,

SlowItDown

Dear SlowItDown,

That’s the best part!

You don’t have to be polite!

As long as you are communicative with your partner about how you wish for the relationship to progress, you have fulfilled your obligation to the only other person that matters in this dynamic!

You don’t need to engage with your family in this regard. Don’t bring it up, and change the subject when they do.

Or simply tell them to fuck off.

Problematically,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

My BFF (16 yrs) and maid of honor pulled out by text 36 hrs before the wedding.

My bachelorette was tense bc she was paggro towards my other two bridesmaids.

She said she's sorry, but I'm still hurting.

We've been NC for months.

How do I move on?

Curiously,

WhereDoIFindBetterFriends

Dear Find,

The good news is, you’re a better person than I am.

My solution would have involved a baseball bat and a fireball².

It’s understandable to continue to be upset, especially if your ex-BFF’s apology was an “I’m sorry” instead of an attempt at an explanation.

Moving on requires anger— don’t let valid feelings fester into resentment because you feel you have to get back in touch.

Once you have processed these emotions (and I always recommend seeking professional help with that), then you can begin to consider accepting an apology.

Maybe she had a good reason. Maybe she simply sucks.

You don’t need to worry about either option unless you decide you want to.

Focus on the positive memories you made at your wedding.

Process the rest and, afterward, check with yourself if you want to break NC.

Judiciously,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I left my husband earlier this year for a DV shelter.

I'm rebuilding my life, and it's great.

But I'm finding that I have ZERO sexual interest.

Could I have been ACE after 25 years?

Or is it just PTSD?

Sincerely,

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

I am glad that you have taken the steps to rebuild your life.

You have gone through intense environmental changes and psychological growth to step away from your previous situation.

It is entirely natural for sex to become secondary in these instances.

If you’re worried about your lack of sexual interest, you may want to consider speaking to a professional.

What I will say is that, yes, it is possible you are asexual. But it is also possible that dealing with traumatic stress can inhibit your sex drive.

I would caution against the necessity of a label only because you are still working through so many things. This is not to say that a label may not fit, but often, it can affect our willingness to accept changes in our behavior that arise later.

For now, understand that what you’re feeling (or not feeling) is normal and that a label matters less than ensuring that you are safe and happy.

Lovingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I’ve been w/ my fiance/father of my kids for 7 years.

But he has become my real-life Tamlin, someone I once needed but fully outgrown.

I hate the lack of literary respect; he buys me books, sure, but never wants to hear about them.

I started writing a book, and he, again, never wants to hear about it.

Am I awful for wanting someone who will?

Literarily,

QuinnAgainstPregnancyTropes

Dear Quinn,

I will heavily suggest couples counseling solely because this is not about “literary respect” or him not having an interest in your hobbies or work.

As much as I think it’s abnormal not to be interested in books, it is very normal for someone who doesn’t read not to be interested in books!

Do you have any interest in his hobbies?

You need to introspect why it is so important he has an interest in yours. There is a much larger context than simply literature.

If he’s a good father, loving, and capable, I don’t see not liking books as an issue (shocking, I know).

You can want someone who is interested in your reading and writing, and you can find that in a book club or writing group.

If you want someone who’s sexually interested in you also to be interested in your aforementioned writing or reading, that’s another issue.

You’re not awful for wanting that, but is it more important than the seven years you’ve already had with him?

Cautiously,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I'm entering a period of life changes that, while good and anticipated, are still the unknown. I'm freaking out (I'll be fine).

Could I just have a pep talk pls&ty?

STRESSED,

(almost) PhDone

Dear (almost) PhDone,

I am a strong proponent of “I’ll be alright; I just need to have a menty b about it first,” so please know you are in good hands.

You have worked so hard to get to where you are and understand that if any of the little voices in your head are saying you’re unworthy, I am personally hunting them down as you read this.

There is freedom in embracing change; let it flow over you.

Chaos is another form of creation.

Journey before destination.

And this is just the first step of many.

Radiantly,

The Crone

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