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Edition #4: The Crone Harvests Juniper š
I'm Shvitzing Dammit
Daniel Alexander
June 01, 2024 ā¢ Estimated Reading Time: 12 minutes
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On the Cusp of Madnessā¦ and Gemini
Hello Valthakai, air signs, and Netflix bingersā¦.
The year is (almost) half over! Holy shit!
I cannot believe how time flies when I am trying to read thirty seven different books at once.
Most recently, we wrapped up A Court of Frost and Starlight with the Valthakan Literary Universe, I managed to go to the gym TWICE in a row this week, and got in four separate pole classes.
Needless to say, I am going in to June quite sore.
Summer is slowly eking its way into Vancouver, and every once in a while it goes dreary again, keeping me on my toes.
But the sun is shining more than occasionally, I have Vidcon 2024 to look forward to, and I am almost done with my Rhythm of War reread. What else could you want?
Whatās more insane is that we have received 110 orders from Valthakan Wares so I expect to get tags when youāre repping!
Enjoy the sun and take your birth control! Especially cause ātis the season of sundresses.
Love,
The Crone and Daniel
Oops I did it again
Danielās Books of the Month
 Title: Fablehaven Author: Brandon Mull Genre: Urban Fantasy, Kid Friendly, Everyone You Love Will Betray You | The absolute pinnacle of kids fantasy (IMO), Fablehaven is 110% the series that set me on the path to becoming such a well rounded readerā¦ I canāt even write that with a straight face. But yeah itās the reason Iām such a massive fantasy nerd. Two kids visit their grandparents to discover the hidden world of Fablehaven, and the secret preserves that protect magical societies across the world. Unfortunately more than a few people think it should be humanity that lives trapped. Letās see if Seth and Kendra can manage. Part of a 5 book series, Fablehaven is the perfect introduction for young readers into fantasy. |
 Title: Sun Serpent Author: Geneva Monroe Genre: High Fantasy, Dragon Daddy, Relax Itās Their Human Form, Wait Why Are You Disappointed?, Slow Burn | Look do you want to live your entire life as a trapeze artist or do you want to adventure with the hot guy and his hot friend? Yeah thatās what I thought. Follow a path of vengeance and salvation, and the various ways those two coincide or conflict, as Elyria discovers what it means to wield her gifts. Thereās far moreā¦ draconic influences to this world than you realize. Currently part of 2 published books in the series. Sun Serpent is followed by Star Spear. |
 Title: The Name of the Wind Author: Patrick Rothfuss Genre: High Fantasy, D&D tavern, Oh God Iām Too Old For This, Gifted Kid Burnout | If I had a nickel for every time an incredible writer with a beard didnāt finish his beloved series. Iād have two nickels. Which isnāt a lot, but really weird it happened twice. You may not get book 3 but the first two are masterworks of the delicate worldbuilding that will fully immerse you in the story of Kvothe as he recounts his tale, from childhood to glory to broken tavern keep. What do you do when the hero is weary, but the battle isnāt won? Part 1 of a planned (emphasis on planned) trilogy, The Name of the Wind is a must read for lovers of high fantasy. |
I can feel the feminism leaving her body
Dear Crone
An advice column
Dear Crone, I'm about to move and go from being across the US from my parents to being a 90-minute drive away. I'm their youngest and even though I'm 30, my parents don't respect me or see me as a grown-up. Any tips for retaining my sanity? Adultingly, Youngest But Not Young | Dear Youngest But Not Young, For starters, they do not need to know your schedule, or have keys to your house, etc. Boundaries are typically passively enforced in these scenarios. I donāt know how likely they are to show up unannounced, but if they try to plan things with you, ānoā is an acceptable answer. You are an adult, so regardless of how they treat you, you can act like one. Boundaringly, The Crone |
Dearest Wisest Coolest Crone, I'm 23 going on 24 in 6 wks (Gemini sun is my cross to bear), and I've never really dated. My friends are getting married, engaged etc and I feel like I'm falling behind, and it sucks. Please tell me it's gonna be okay. Parabatai-ily, Jace (like the Herondale, it was a joke but it's a cool change from the deadname) | Dear Jace, Happy early birthday! Dearie there is no definitive timeline for these life stages. The fact that youāre hilariously young is an added benefit. There IS an in-between period that is different for every person. Youāre not falling behind, youāre on a different path. These sort of things happen when you stop worrying about them. Itās gonna be okay. Love, The Crone |
Dear Crone, Iām terrified of the future (in a nonspecific way). Everything about it sends me into shutdown and I get a lot of pressure to start thinking about the rest of my life post-uni. What can I do? Cosmically, A Tiny Speck in the Universe | Dear Tiny Speck, If your terror is nonspecific, it may help you to start small. It seems your primary concern is in regard to life after graduation, what steps would you need to take to ease this transition? Is job hunting your primary issue? Or moving? Categorizing the basic steps that you will have to handle after you graduate may not help with the general anxiety but will at least give you a direction to proceed in as your graduation date gets closer. It will be an exciting time for you! Encouragingly, The Crone |
Dear Crone, How do I know if I have feelings for a guy or if Iām just horny? Divine Comedically, Young Lust | Dear Young Lust, Masturbate. If youāre still thinking about him afterwards, itās probably feelings. If your primary concern suddenly becomes where to eat tonight, itās probably horny. Neither is wrong, neither is right. Oscillatingly, The Crone Dear Young Lust, It COULD be both, in which case you are suffering from a condition known as horngry. In that instance you pick what you put in your mouth. No wrong answers. Entendrely, Daniel |
Dear Crone, My spouse and I were both raised in a religious cult. I'm now out, he still believes. Our life would improve if he left too but I don't want to push. Help? Lazy Learner | Dear Lazy Learner, Truthfully this will be something that you will have far more of an understanding on how to handle than me. How did you come to realize you need to leave? Is there any replicable scenario that you can bring to your spouseās attention? Is his membership affecting financial or romantic responsibilities? Typically these situations require a personal revelation, not an external pressure. As his spouse, it isnāt pushing to bring up valid concerns regarding this, and I would say there is an avenue considering you are still together after you have actively left. Direct discussion is best, but you will need to be open about how you came to your revelation. Sincerely, The Crone |
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Itās fine, Iāll just bring it up in therapy
The Hard Covers
Reconciling Fantasy with Our Reality
Characters Written by Opposite Sex Authors
I am very excited to talk (rant) about this topic, because it is one that I have such a lovable passion for it needs more words than what I normally put in a video.
Often times there is the belief that male authors are incapable of writing female characters, whereas female authors excel at writing males.
I bring the good word.
Which is: they both often suck at it.
The clear difference of course, is in appeal.
The stereotypical woman-written-by-a-man (WWM) is merely a sex object, one intrinsically capable of handling all things so as not to burden her male lover, but still somehow needs him to feel complete.
Meanwhile the stereotypical man-written-by-a-woman (MWW) is simultaneously the most caring, kind, telepathic, successful, tall, in shape, hung, and non-argumentative man on the planet, who loves you and gets along wonderfully with your mom.
His is dead, to save you the headache, but luckily she didnāt leave him with any lingering michegoss. How considerate of her.
Neither is feasible in any capacity.
No actual woman would behave like an WWM and still need a partner quite frankly, while no actual man would behave like a MWW and have time for one.
It speaks to an interesting difference in psyche that we are seeing.
Where the WWM appeals to a lazy desire for sex and relationships without the demand for labor, emotional or otherwise and the MWW appeals to an equally lazy desire for someone to take care of burdens, emotional or otherwise.
In both instances, the fantasy is unburdening the character you are projecting onto, but because the MWW isnāt completely a sex object (heās just good at it, but thatās simply a plus!) heās more palatable!
Additionally, no woman seeks to be the stereotypical WWM, but men DO want to be the stereotypical MWW to some degree.
Dare I say every male wants to be a billionaire, sex god, that can provide and bench press their partnersā its a wiring that needs to be channeled properly.
While no women wants to be valued exclusively for her sex appeal, especially if she is particularly competent in some capacity.
The WWM appeals to sexually and intellectually lazy men, while the MWW appeals essentially to everyone in some capacity.
Let me put it this way:
Would You Rather Be |
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