Dear Crone,

My husband asked for an open marriage in Oct. that lasted until his work crush rejected him in Nov., and it caused a lot of problems.

Now I feel like I’m his mom because I take care of EVERYTHING, and I haven’t been happy in months.

I’m constantly stressed to the point where my hair is falling out, and I'm saddled with being the adult in our relationship, yet I’m the younger one.

I have to keep track of how money is spent but can’t have access to the account it’s in.

Is this my sign to leave?

Sincerely,

Over this shit

Dear Over This,

Start getting your finances in order and consider speaking to a lawyer and a therapist.

No one should have exclusive access to your finances besides you.

You need to get that information ASAP.

He’s hiding something from you.

Also, there’s no way in hell he stopped pursuing other women just because his crush rejected him.

You don’t need to put up with this. You deserve a partner, not a man-child.

Seriously, run.

Honestly,

The Crone

Dear Crone (and Daniel),

I’m torn between two guys.

One is sweet, very autistic, and has said he wants to propose in the next year.

I’ve known him for barely a year. The other guy is very sweet, but he’s not really my type.

He was a fling I’m starting to fall for.

My question is really just this: Do I choose stability and convenience with possibly Stockholm syndrome or fluctuation with stability and potentially a good, non-abusive relationship?

I’ve known Man B for about four months now.

Confusedly,

Iris J.

Dear Iris,

Sometimes I can’t do delicacy, dearie.

You’re asking me if you want to be in a relationship where you feel as though you’ve been kidnapped or a potentially non-abusive one.

Unless those odds are ZERO, you don’t talk to that man, especially if you aren’t attracted to him.

Are you trying to get hitched for the tax benefits? What’s the rush here?

You can date a man you actually like, and unless you’re on the Isle of Lesbos, men are a dime a dozen.

You choose neither of these men.

Abort!

The Crone

Dear Crone,

Thoughts on associating with cheaters?

My hubs DMs a game, and most players are serious couples.

Found out one wife has been cheating for the past 4mo of a year-long campaign.

Neither of them is part of the group anymore for different reasons, but it got me thinking.

I’m happily married and wouldn’t want those vibes around.

Curiously,

Voice of the NPCs

Dear Voice,

I don’t trust cheaters.

Point blank, full stop.

I wouldn’t want to be friends with them.

I wouldn’t want my partners around them.

It’s really, really easy not to cheat and just dump your partner if you’re interested in someone else.

Your desire to avoid those vibes is very understandable.

Protectively,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I found out today that I did not get funding for a PhD.

I’ve been out of education for 5 years and worked on that application for over 2 of those years, but hey, humanities subjects are devalued.

What the hell do I do now?

The programme was my ticket out of my dead-end job in a city I hate, but what’s the point of just swapping to another job that I might equally hate?

Sincerely,

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

I’m sorry that you were unsuccessful in your application.

In that regard, I would look into alternative programs that may still accept applicants.

Given that you were interested in pursuing a PhD, I assume you can handle roadblocks, and I greatly encourage you not to throw up your hands.

With the question regarding your job.

What do you have to lose?

You hate your current job, so there is nowhere to go but up!

If you’re in a financial position where you can move professions, do it.

Sometimes, the best thing for you can be a change of scenery.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

My two best friends started dating over a month ago, and it has not been great...

I love them both, but I realized that my guy best friend is toxic, and my girl best friend said she doesn’t want to leave him and work on the relationship.

I’m tired of 3rd wheeling the relationship because i can’t stand watching him break her down and her defend him.

I’m not even sure they love each other.

I think it’s just lust because he just got out of a relationship, and she has never been in one and got desperate.

One the sidelines,

Concerned 3rd Wheel

Dear Concerned,

To put it less-than-lightly:

None of this is your problem.

If adults want to be miserable together, let them.

If you still want to see them, try hanging out with them separately, but understand that this will likely only work with your girl best friend.

Also, I want you to recognize that you have no idea what is happening behind closed doors; you are not privy to 90% of the relationship and don’t need to be.

Whatever reason they’re together, they can make or break it on their own terms.

If you don’t want to 3rd wheel, you may want to consider tending to other friendships for a time.

But understand that getting involved is more likely to get you cut off.

Neutrally,

The Crone

Dearest Crone,

My mother is a published romance/women's fiction author and is working on her first romantasy novel.

She's a great author and I love her stuff, but her heroine is diving into a pregnancy trope in the first 10 chapters.

How do I help her see the light without coming across as critical?

Pregnantly,

Concerned Readerson

Dear Readerson,

As much as I struggle to accept this fact, most people descend from a long line of mothers and wives¹.

Thus, in every story, someone has to pop out an MC.

If you’re a beta reader, you can delicately ensure that your mother is making the pregnancy about the female character and not the baby itself, as the reader will only be familiar with one of those two.

The pregnancy should motivate and complicate who the mother is as a character, not reduce or remove her from the story.

COCP-ily,

The Crone

PS: we cover this and other tropes in our Deep Dive section of Chapter 16: The World of Genesis 

Dear Crone,

This isn’t a question, but I’m really excited and wanted to share the joy and irony of my situation with someone.

The first play I’ve ever directed is going up at my college in a few days, and I’m so stoked!

I’ve always felt a bit of imposter syndrome when it comes to directing, especially seeing the amazing work of my classmates, but I DID this, and I’m proud of myself.

Where the irony comes in is that the play is about bread and has multiple sex scenes, and I’m a sex repulsed asexual with celiac lol.

Enigmatically,

Gluten-Free Bread Enthusiast

Dear GFBE,

Just as it means so much for people to share their struggles with us, it means the world to hear of your successes.

I hope your opening night (and every one after) is a resounding success and the joy you find in your work stays with you forever.

I sincerely commend you for stepping outside your personal experiences to direct a story containing elements so contradictory to your life.

Hopefully, nobody is secretly allergic to latex.

Celebrating with you,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

Um, hi!

This is my first time asking for advice, so this may read as a little silly.

I love writing a lot.

I even finished my first novel (first draft, still writing the second draft).

Problem is, it's a romantasy, and my family is super religious, and romance is as far from their radar in regards to me as David to a Mormon.

I'm not sure what to do, because I love my family a lot, and I'm still applying to colleges, so I live with them for now.

What do I do?

Romantasy Girlie

Dear Romantasy Girlie,

Having and developing a private life separate from your family is normal for anyone, especially as they prepare for college.

If they’re going to react poorly, I don’t recommend informing them of this.

Keep writing and editing; if you publish, you can casually mention you wrote a book.

But until such a time that it becomes a vital part of your career, there’s no need to invite drama from people who won’t hear you out in the first place.

Guilt may arise from this, but you’ll feel a lot better continuing to write than you will cutting out this part of yourself.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone (and Daniel),

I am low contact with my bio father, I haven't laid eyes on the man since December.

I haven't actually had the no-contact convo with him because I'm getting my ducks in a row, but he hasn't reached out regardless.

We are coming up on the time of year I try to buy for both Father's Day AND his birthday since it's so close together, and I hate scrambling.

Would it totally be a jerk move to just forgo those presents?

Signed,

Wants Love

Dear Wants,

If your bio father had been making an effort, I would encourage rewarding that.

But seeing that he seems rather content to remain low contact, I don’t think it’s problematic behavior to prioritize your other ducks, as it were.

If he reaches out to see you, you may need to have an uncomfortable conversation, but as it stands, a person who wants a relationship with you needs to put in effort.

He may try to spin that, but at the end of the day, he is the father.

Honestly,

The Crone

Dear Crone & Daniel,

It’s been years since I found a book and/or television series to get lost in that wasn’t already complete when I stumbled across it.

Now I’m reading/watching several things that are waiting for the next installment.

Any advice on how to deal with media hangovers - particularly those that are angst heavy?

Dragon and ghost overloadedly,

An Exhausted Mally Shipper

Dear Mally Shipper,

I’m a firm believer in comfort rereads and rewatches.

It can be a lot to invest emotionally in stories, and occasionally, you need to give yourself a break and grab something you’re familiar with.

Given your overload on dragons and ghosts, I’m going to recommend a non-fantasy genre.

Sitcoms are a nice, casual go-to, and Daniel has reread Cradle something like 4 times now.

Simply,

The Crone

Dear Crone (and Daniel),

I just want to clarify that I have been outspoken about my preferences in relationships and marriage, I've been vocal about my beliefs in monogamy, let me also clarify that multiple wives are a sign of wealth; in fact, many women who are married to wealthy men are waiting for the rug to be pulled from under them.

That being said, I'm still being pursued regardless of my preferences and beliefs; I'm not exaggerating when I say I'm at my wit's end.

Sincerely,

Typecast

Dear Typecast,

Thank you for the follow-up! I appreciate the extra information.

I’m also not surprised that men who continually seek multiple wives are ignoring what a woman actually wants…

Call that a hot take, but feel free to quote me on that.

At this point, your goal may be deterrence.

Typically, in marriage contracts (at least in Daniel’s culture), the woman has significant power to create particular requirements for the marriage (including sexual, financial, or work obligations).

If that also applies to you, is it possible you could make them so outlandish that it drives them away?

I want to reiterate that it is not your fault, but I recognize how frustrating this can be.

I promise you are not the only person in your community who feels this way.

It just may take some time to meet them.

Delicately,

The Crone