Today’s list is centered around throwbacks and throwback-adjacents.

Levin Thumps is your typical, neglected teenager.

Luckily, he is destined for greatness.

At least, that's what Clover, a strange creature known as a Sycophant, claims when he whisks young Levin to a parallel world known as Foo.

Along the way, Levin will meet the strangest of people… and toothpicks.

An excellent choice for a young reader’s first dive into fantasy.

Nestled deep within my psyche, tucked away between my love of mythology and the desire to experience everything, is my undying love for The Alchemyst.

With the realization that the immortal Elders exert their will through chosen immortals, Sophie and Josh Newman find themselves at the center of a prophecy to save the world… or destroy it.

With the famed alchemist Nicholas Flamel and his much-more-badass wife, Perenelle, the twins will awaken the magical abilities that are their birthright.

And hopefully not get killed in the process.

After the events of Fablehaven, you’d think Seth and Kendra Sorensen would be given five bloody minutes to relax.

Unfortunately, the vanquishing of the Demon King did little to quell the political grievances of the dragons and the seven sanctuaries that encompass their territory.

With the fragments of the Society of the Evening Star seeking to unleash dragonkind on the rest of the world, Seth and Kendra must step into the role of caretakers.

And hopefully find the Dragonslayers they need to prevent catastrophe.

Dear Crone,

I'm in my first ever relationship (almost 7 months).

I love my bf, and he treats me wonderfully.

I don't wanna break up, but my mind won't shut up about how I need to experience more, especially from the other gender (I'm bi/pan).

Both he and I wanna stay exclusive.

How do I make these thoughts go away?

Sincerely,

Very confused with her own mind.

PS, We're both 21.

Dear Very Confused,

Unfortunately, your desires and your concerns do not align in any realistic way.

For what it is worth, experience is more often sought after than enjoyed when it comes to this sort of question.

But if you want to forget these thoughts, you have to focus on what you are grateful for.

At the risk of sounding like a self-help novel, there is a (completely normal, healthy) reason you want to stay exclusive.

You have a good partner who is fulfilling your needs.

The fact is, you are not on a time crunch—you are very young, and there will likely be an organic opportunity to experience more.

Do not end a relationship because of a superfluous more, and do not stay in one out of momentum.

Balance those two, and you will be fine.

If you believe a sexual release may be helpful, there is a lot to do before any sort of open relationship.

I would discuss some more exploratory adult activities or content with your boyfriend.

Take it slow.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Crone,

My former best friend ditched me when she found out about my baby’s name.

For context, she’s done having kids, and it wasn’t a name she was going to use, just one she liked casually.

Now she is refusing to come to our other friend’s wedding, we’re both in.

Should I tell her to get the fuck over it or not make drama since it isn’t my wedding?

The name is also just your average white boy name…

Confusedly,

Petty Ass Mother

PAM,

I am a huge fan of telling people to fuck off (as evidenced by Daniel’s disciplinary record), but that is likely to be a massive spark on a gasoline-soaked pile.

You never want to give someone an excuse for their behavior, and confronting them over a third-party situation is the exact scenario someone like her would need.

You’re going to the wedding, and let anything that she does be on her.

The last thing you want is for her to drag the bride into the mix and claim that she’s not coming because of how you spoke to her.

I’m not saying don’t tell her off; I’m saying maybe wait until after the wedding is over.

Oh, and mazel on your pregnancy.

Cautiously,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

My mom always treated me like the “forgotten”/“disgraceful child” compared to my brother.

He died 6 years ago, and it only got worse.

She told me that she won’t ever acknowledge or encourage me as much as my brother because “I’m living and he’s not.”

I am a songwriter/singer and recently entered and placed in several major songwriting competitions.

Music is my therapy.

She said I was disgusting and I should stop or be disowned.

They’re my only family left.

How do I fix things without losing myself?

Sincerely,

Helltrain

Dear Helltrain,

What a coincidence that Daniel just made a video about how he will start meeting y’all’s parents in alleyways.

Momma just got bumped to the top of the list.

The truth is, dearie, you can’t fix this because this behavior isn’t about you.

Your mother is deeply traumatized by many things, up to and including your brother’s death.

She’s taking it out on you, and it’s frankly unacceptable.

You need to get out of there and cut her off.

She may regain her senses and beg for forgiveness, which I will leave up to you.

But I promise you, from the bottom of both our hearts, that there is nothing you do, and no one you could possibly be, that will make her kind.

Get out, dearie.

Honestly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I’m going on holiday with my best friend to a foreign country in a few days.

I’m 16, and this will be the first time I’ve ever traveled without my parents, especially this far.

Now, while planning activities to do on our time there, I’ve noticed my friend and I have different ideas on what ‘fun’ things to do are.

Now we both don’t like compromising, and I don’t like it when plans change (I’m touched by the tism) so how do we navigate this?

Sincerely,

Anne<3

Dear Anne with a Less-Than-Three,

Nobody likes compromising… that’s why it’s called “compromising” and not “getting exactly what I wanted.”

Both of you are going to have to do that… welcome to adulthood.

In the future, I would recommend traveling with someone who shares your beliefs about what constitutes a vacation, but the only thing that will prevent you from having fun now is refusing to give ground.

Here’s what I say you do, each of you make a list of the things you want to do, exchange them.

Break down each other’s lists into Willing, Maybe, and Absolutely Not, and build your schedule from there.

Mathematically,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

How do you motivate yourself?

Recently, I’ve found myself in a massive slump and nothing interests me, my hobbies, friends, or even sex.

I know the first step is to get back to the gym and fall in love with my body again (I’ve recently put on some weight), but I just can’t seem to push myself.

Do you have any suggestions to help motivate?

Sincerely,

Becca

Dear Becca,

I recommend checking in with yourself to determine when this lack of motivation started.

Sometimes, you need something fresh to reinvigorate interest— a new class, a new activity (Daniel is partial to trivia nights), or a new kink exploration can all generate that spark.

Remember that slumps are temporary, and it can be okay to do something unmotivated.

Doing anything and having it be imperfect is superior to doing nothing at all.

Lastly, remember your goals.

You don’t need to be in love with the work if you’re in love with the outcome.

I’m going to turn it over to Daniel because I’m not the one in charge of our workout routine.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Becca,

I have a few tricks when it comes to motivation.

On the backend, lists help me. I like having stuff to check off, and a visual representation of my schedule keeps me sane.

But when it comes to the gym specifically, I physically tell myself, “I’m going to the gym.”

Now that can be “I’m going to the gym tomorrow,” and when I wake up, I ensure it is one of the first things I do that day.

But I try to eliminate as many “excuses” as possible beforehand.

I’ll try to get ahead of work, so I have no reason not to do what I want.

Additionally, I want to reiterate the validity of doing something unmotivated.

There are days when being in the gym makes my skin crawl.

The reason doesn’t matter, but I simply don’t want to be there.

Still, I’ll dedicate myself for even just 20 minutes, because that’s a whole hells of a lot better than nothing.

It’s not going to be the hardest workout of my life, and I might not hit every exercise I wanted, but it at least keeps me in routine.

Do yourself a favor, just go to the gym. No need to worry about an exact routine for the day, just be there.

Hit your favorite exercises, listen to a podcast, and stretch.

Remind yourself of the pride you feel when you make it there.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Hello Lady Crone (and Lord Daniel),

I need advice on how to deal with the crippling anxiety that comes with being surrounded by people younger than me being more successful.

I am 37 years old (about to be 38), and I am finally getting my Master's degree in library science.

Almost everyone in my classes have been much younger than me, with some already working in the field.

I keep applying to jobs, but no one is hiring me.

Did I miss my window being a SAHM?

Am I too old to do it now?

Sincerely,

DragonCat

Dear DragonCat,

You are not alone.

I am on the ‘wrong’ side of 50 (certainly the side where I have run out of fucks to give), and half-way through my MIS (which is what they call a MLS where I’m from).

Half the students in my course are graduates (20s), the other half are retraining, and mostly 40+—it seems to be a really common thing.

We (the ones who lived through both the invention and the demise of the fax (ask your mum) are freaking out about jobs and employability, but all the grads we speak to seem to have found jobs – if not the perfect one, at least something that will get them there eventually.

Keep going, keep trying, maybe talk to your college services about how to make the SAHM thing into job-relevant skills for your CV – mine were amazing when I had to apply for professional placement after 15 years of unpaid work.

My husband (not in LS) prefers SAHM’s returning to work because they’re “unflappable, versatile, can think outside the box and usually have some fucking common sense”.

Anyway, you’re not too old. You never are. I wish I’d done it at 37, I’d be so far ahead of where I am now, but I’m not going to let that stop me from going for it now, I’m in a position to do so.

Don’t let anything stop you either; you have so much time ahead of you.

Sincerely,

K x