Dear Crone,

I need reassurance.

My partner and I had a conflict and he got hurt.

I realize that its entirely my fault Its been a few days and he’s still dry with me.

I’m trying to give him space & idk what else to do.

Am I doing everything I should be?

Confused,

GuiltyGal22

Dear GuiltyGal22,

Have you tried apologizing?

Space is great but at some point you need to reach out to express your concerns for his feelings and realizations about the argument.

You’re the one who owes an apology, you’re the one that needs to put in the effort to say it.

Best of luck.

Sincerely,

The Crone

Hey Crone!

I got it down bad for my best friend, he does not like me back.

Trying to cut back on contact so we can be friends after I get better, advice on

1. Him not noticing

2. Making the transition easier?

Screaming,

Wannabe Farmer <3

Hey Farmer <3!

The truth is, he probably won’t notice, and even if he does, it’s about what is best for you.

Simply be less available, continue to organize your day, and say “yes” to less invitations out.

You may want to consider finding a friend group separate from him.

This is the sort of thing that gets easier with time, simply committing to it will make the transition easier, and giving yourself the space you need from him will help with the sting of rejection.

Quietly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

My friends tell me that my standards plummet down to hell if I meet someone who is the same height as me or taller.

I am not some ungodly height, I just happen to be taller than 9/10 men I meet.

How to make sure this doesn’t happen?

Sincerely,

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

This is hilariously well described, and it’s worth pointing out that everyone has a weakness when it comes to their partners.

While I don’t know how tall you are, the average male height is 5’8”… which means even if you’re an inch shorter than that, half of all men are as well!

As long as you’re not being mistreated by these men, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to climb a tree or two.

It’s your type. Just be safe.

Now that you’re aware of it maybe try to get to know your flavor of the evening a bit beyond the fact that he has to stoop to get through doorways.

It’s not a crime to climb.

Love,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I have a boyfriend of 4 years and just finished law school so a lot of my friends are getting engaged.

But he’s in med school for the next 5 years (not making any money) I feel like 9 years is too long to wait for maybe, but don’t wanna end this now🙃

Unsure,

ILoveYouXoXo

Dear ILoveYouXoXo Esq(?),

Will a lot of your friends be marrying doctors?

It is good to have this concern, and it is certainly something that you should bring up with your partner.

An engagement is more than just a ring, it’s a decision and a commitment.

If you’re serious about this, waiting until after med school is a smart decision.

Nobody ever regrets getting married after they’re stable.

Simultaneously, you have been together for 4 years, he absolutely should have an idea of where he wants the relationship to go.

Don’t stick with something just because you’ve invested time and are hoping to get something back. There needs to be a clear path here.

Legally,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I have been married more than ten years.

My husband has never been a romantic person, but lately the romance is nowhere to be found at all.

What spell can I use to make him a bit more like Rhysand?

Honestly,

Happy Hoe

Dear Happy Hoe,

Have you ever tried being romantic?

Oftentimes men are not taught the sort of behaviors that we classify as romantic and/or he has no idea what you like as well.

If you take the first steps in this regard, you are in full control to show him what you prefer as well as find out his interests as well.

If there has been a long dry spell, there can be a nervousness to rekindle that spark.

Showing him what he has been missing is a great way to encourage further behavior.

A change to one’s environment helps to open one’s mind to new experiences. A special date night, a change of outfit, a day trip can set the stage for new experiences.

Foreplay can be an all day thing.

Just don’t touch his prostate without permission.

Happily,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

Part 2: At church, talked w/boy for 1+ hr about Cosmere and afterwards girl TEXTS ME AND DEMANDS TO START READING THE COSMERE.

Convenient, no?

The advice I seek, what Cosmere reading order do you suggest for a backstabber?

Manically,

The Defeated One

Dear Victorious One,

We’ve been over your name change.

For those just joining us, we’re engaged in psychological warfare.

Unfortunately this girl doesn’t know her place so if you want to give her the reading order to make her drop the Cosmere

Use this:

1. Elantris 

2. The Alloy of Law

3. Sixth of the Dusk

4. Arcanum Unbound

5. White Sand

6. The Way of Kings

7. The Sunlit Man 

Honestly if she makes it past seven you might need to call an exorcist or something.

Cackingly,

The Crone

O Crone,

I got news I'm going overseas and must break my lease. Told my roommate I don't want to pay rent since I'll be gone, and now she won't talk to me at all!

I thought we were good friends til now.

What should I do?

Sobbingly,

Stressed and Depressed

O Stressy and Depressy,

You essentially dropped a bombshell that your roommate’s rent was going to double(?) with very limited notice.

If you value the friendship, you need to take on the responsibility of finding a subletter, or at the very least inform your landlord so that they can advertise the place’s upcoming vacancy.

They’re upset because you mixed your good news with a burden for them.

Take the steps to rectify it, and good luck with your travels.

Monetarily,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I’m in my early 20s, but there are some things from my childhood I can’t seem to let go.

There was an issue recently involving my dad and teen brother.

My mom immediately diffused the situation.

It left me wondering why she never intervened for me.

Sincerely,

LJ

Dear LJ,

Unfortunately, parenting is a skill that improves with time.

It’s likely that your mother is stepping in to defend your younger sibling because she failed to protect you in the same instance.

Being the eldest often means you are the trial run… and it sucks.

I caution you that this isn’t personal, it’s not a sign of favoritism or preference, but rather growth in your mother.

I don’t know the full details of these issues, nor your family history, and I would highly recommend you speak to a professional who you feel comfortable providing with all these details.

If your mother is a safe person to talk with, it could be beneficial for you to bring this up with her as well.

Gently,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I have no motivation to do anything productive.

Do you have any advice for something that might help. (I’m already on meds but they don’t always work) thanks in advance Crone!

Neuroscientifically,

Becca

Dear Becca,

It helps to identify the strongest hinderances to your productivity.

These distractions are not equal, and finding out your “weaknesses” so to speak can help you to avoid the worst of them, while still being able to reward your productivity with something less distracting.

Furthermore, lethargy is self propagating.

If you remain in bed, you’ll want to stay in bed, etc.

Sometimes you just have to rip the bandaid off, and commit yourself to one thing.

Not necessarily productive, but a change of state that can help you break out of the unmotivated fugue.

Don’t daunt yourself with the demand to be PRODUCTIVE, instead, allow yourself to simply be active.

Microdosing methily,

The Crone

Beloved Crone,

I feel as though I have no purpose.

I have always struggled to visualize a future for myself but in recent times I can't stop being anxious about the lack of a path ahead.

I'm officially 25 now, how do I give myself direction in life?

Delicately,

Lost But Not Yet Found

Dear Not Yet Found,

Do you not have a direction, or are you comparing yourself to others?

It’s not a requirement that you’ve planned the rest of your life, it’s just begun for you.

If you want to find direction, find an interest, the best way to try something new is to have a friend introduce you to it.

A “lifepath” doesn’t create structure for you, instead creating structure will help you to figure out your path ahead.

Interest groups, hobbyists, exercise clubs are all the little steps that will allow you to visualize the future.

You don’t need to worry about when you’re 80, but it will be nice if you know what you’re doing Tuesday.

Get it?

Also, you can ask yourself the question, “what pet peeve do you have about humanity?” and then go and join something dedicated to changing it.

I look forward to seeing what you do, be sure to come back and tell us.

Love,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I’m new to a job and a really common “get to know you” question is do you have siblings.

My dad has another kid but due to the fact that he was abusive in more than one way to me I’ve always felt like he’s not my brother.

Do I just say no?

Internally,

Bee

Dear Bee,

There is far more to family than simply genetic ties.

If you do not view him as your brother, that is his loss.

You can just say you’re an only child.

Whatever you’re comfortable with.

Externally,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I just started antidepressants for the first time in my life and I don't know what to expect.

I am scared of looking online.

Any advice?

Where to look for support that won't be absolutely bonkers opinions?

Sincerely,

Scaredy Cat

P.S. You are awesome

Dear Scaredy Cat,

You may have been too nervous to look but we weren’t!

The main takeaway is that you need to trust the process, take your medication, and be aware that symptoms improve gradually.

This will not be an overnight fix but a journey as you incorporate it into your daily life.

Side effects vary by prescription and individual, and I think it’s best not to look at the entire list of possibilities, as you won’t develop them all.

But it would be a good idea to speak to your prescribing physician about your concerns and fears.

Sincerely,

The Crone

PS You are brave

Dear Crone,

I made the mistake of going out with a coworker for a couple of months.

He broke it off since I wasn't enough.

Now, 4 months later I am dating someone I really like and the coworker is angry about it and making work awkward.

Thoughts?

Mistakes Were Made

Dear Made,

What’s the expression?

Don’t shit where you get your ass eaten?

Something like that.

Either way, it’s a little too late for that.

First of all, you weren’t “not enough” you simply weren’t compatible.

He can be as angry as he wants to, it’s not your problem, keep enjoying your new partner.

His jealousy is a compliment.

And if he starts being inappropriate take it to HR.

DO NOT HANDLE IT YOURSELF.

Be the bigger person, handle it with grace, and be a smug little bitch in private.

Love,

The Crone

Dearest Crone,

This guy I know told me that he "once had feelings for me" I turned him down, but we kept in contact.

Now he's a friend, I think he has hope still, I don't want to lead him on, or assume I am.

What shall I do oh wise one?

Yours truly,

The Suffering Engineer

Dear Engineer,

It’s perfectly acceptable to take people at their word.

You kept in contact, and he— presumably— is over those old feelings.

Just keep doing what you’re doing.

Neither of you owe each other anything, and if he feels “led on” after you verbally and explicitly rejected him… 🤷 

Horse to water, can’t make it drink.

Don’t take on that burden, you have other stuff to worry about.

Cs get degrees,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I’ve found a weird pattern of guys I’ve known for a while suddenly flirting with me, and right when I catch feelings I find out he’s had a gf the whole time.

How do I figure out what I’m doing to make guys repeatedly behave this way with me?

Sincerely,

Chronically Friendzoned and Heartbroken

Dear CFH,

I’ll admit, it’s very strange that you are around a man long enough to develop feelings without him once mentioning his partner.

You don’t want to be with someone who hides that fact, frankly you’re dodging a bullet.

When you meet someone, it may help you to steer the conversation towards partners to get them to disclose their relationship status.

You’re not inherently doing anything, but you can take control of how the interaction proceeds and ensure that the person you’re talking to is actually available.

Strategically,

The Crone

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