The Modern Whore

Andrea Werhun

Genres: Really Real

Quite the genrebend for me right?

Dive into Andrea’s autobiography as she regales us all with the story of her ascent into self-described whoredom.

From chatrooms, to stripping, to escorting, Andrea has done it all and met with a myriad of johns, pauls, georges, and douches who all seek to fulfill their fantasies.

Written with a flawlessly engaging and flowing honesty, Andrea delivers first hand knowledge on the endlessly fascinating subject of sex work.

All the while, she utilizes her experiences to help destigmatize her chosen profession and simultaneously convince readers of its legitimacy and herself that she enjoys it.

Dear Crone,

At one of the formal dinners at Dragonsteel I want to go as a mistcloak military Elend-esk cosplay.

But if this is the only Stormlight-themed one for a long time, I strongly feel I should also go on theme!?

Which should I do?

Will you be my +1?!?!

Radiantly,

New to Cosplay, Master of the Cosmere

Dear New & Master,

If you go the Mistborn route, you will 100% not be the only one.

Now if you prefer sticking to a theme, of course go Stormlight, but you can always pick the characters that cross over!

While I won’t provide spoilers, there are a few options, and you could always go for a blend of styles, accoutrements, and outfits!

The world is your chasmfiend!

And fear not, my vessel and I have already received our invitations!

I’ll catch you there!

Investedly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

So, maybe 3-5 times in the last year I've randomly found myself physically attracted to a man?

Ugh. Because this happens so rarely, and I never feel a romantic connection, lesbian still feels like the right label.

Am I wrong to want to kiss & keep it?

Labelly,

Consfused Lesbian

Dear CL,

Straight men everywhere claim that they are heterosexually attracted to Ryan Reynolds, and they’re still happy to call themselves straight.

But in all seriousness, a label matters only if it properly resonates with you.

You may experience pushback from fellow lesbians, but their opinion on your sexuality is nobody’s concern but yours.

You like a label? Use it.

But simultaneously, don’t let that label dictate your mindset and actions for the rest of your life.

These types of things can be very fluid, and I will say that bisexuality is also an entirely acceptable possibility.

If you want to experiment, experiment, and you can always assess afterward.

Scientifically,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

How do I know I'm on the right path?

I am a young neurodivergent (AudHD) person who struggles with emotions and social stuff.

All my life, I've been told a lot of different things and had different career goals.

How do you know if something is right?

Sincerely,

BabyAdult

Dear BabyAdult,

There are two criteria for a path to be correct.

1. It safely provides for you financially, ensuring that you can put food on the table, enjoy yourself, and pay rent.

2. It fulfills or is a step towards fulfilling your greater goals, whether that is a specific lifestyle or schedule.

Now, this is exceptionally generic, and as you’ve said, you’ve been inundated with different ideas regarding this.

So I’m going to ask you, what do you do for fun?

What is it you like to participate in when nobody is watching you?

It is common for people to look at successful individuals and wonder how they achieved such fulfillment, but copying that doesn’t always work.

You will need to focus on introspection, and given your age, fulfillment will also be a product of time. However, identifying what you enjoy outside of a career is a good base point to clarify long-term goals and the path to achieving them.

Fairly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I have been out a few times with a great guy.

He wants what I want, and I feel really comfortable with him.

He said he needs time to develop feelings. I am scared he won't.

What do I do?

Impatiently,

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

If you don’t trust him when he’s clear in his communication, it’s not exactly an excellent precedent for the future of your relationship.

The best way to guarantee he won’t develop those feelings is by not listening to him in the first place.

If he continues to show up and put in effort, allow him the time he needs.

Obviously, there is a limit. If you write to me in ten years because you aren’t official, we’re going to have problems.

But it’s been “a few times;” the fact that he isn’t love bombing you is a green flag, and his communication is a greener one.

If he keeps this up and is hung I’d suggest you buy lottery tickets.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone & Daniel,

My 12yr relationship ended 4 years ago, I want to date/find someone (I'm not getting any younger) but I don't know how to make myself follow through.

I can make a connection/flirt but when it comes to actually dating I always flake out.

It's the fear of getting in too deep and it failing again.

How do I overcome this?

Anxiously,

Commitment Issues

Dear Commitment Issues,

You aren’t afraid to commit, you’re afraid of being overly committed.

Give yourself the credit you are due, a twelve year relationship is no small thing.

Now that you are starting over, remind yourself that you do not need to commit to a fresh decade+ relationship, but rather, just a single (1, one, uno, i) date.

You can take it slow, not by the day but by the hour. Just show up, that’s the only thing you need to do.

Your awareness means you will not fall too deep, the fact that you are afraid means that you are primed to not let it happen again.

Trust yourself,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I have been given a question by my long term boyfriend.

He told me to pick any "scene" from the book he saw me reading and he'd do it with me… (I'm afraid to break him or him break up with me)

Acrobatically,

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

When in doubt, bring a waiver.

Electrolytes for lost fluid, safewords for obvious reasons, and invest in a sturdy headboard.

I assure you, if he brought this up, you aren’t going to scare him unless you pull out a battleaxe.

And even then if it’s for a viking cosplay he’ll be into it.

Birth control, dearie,

The Crone

Dear Anon,

When he says sit on it, he means drop your weight.

No hovering!

Honorably,

Daniel

Dear Crone,

About 3 years ago, I broke up with my fiance before our wedding.

My mom at the time told me that none of the guys that I've loved have ever loved me.

While I am extremely hurt that she would say this, I fear that it's true.

What if I'm not someone that can find true love.

Could there be something wrong with me?

Confused,

Brokenhearted

Dear Brokenhearted,

Have you often ended relationships on the word of your mother?

While I am obviously missing some context, broad strokes statements like that from a parental figure are rarely said with your best interest in mind.

“True love” is a myth.

Like all things that are worth it, it takes dedication, effort, and a desire to see love grow that makes relationships function.

You are only in the wrong if you expect it to be endlessly effortless.

With that in mind, if your mother is consistently negative about your relationships, I would suggest not informing her of them.

You’re an adult, and you have to trust your own judgement in seeking a partner.

Do not allow someone to make you doubt yourself, and I will always recommend talking to a professional to help you work through these issues.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

My best friend and sister of my heart severed herself from her mortal coil earlier this year.

She doesn't have a grave or anywhere to go to remember her.

Do you have any ideas for how I can honor her?

Or any ideas to stop crying everytime I think of her?

Tearily,

Luna

Dear Luna,

I have no doubt that you have been offered countless platitudes, so all I will say is that we are thinking of you, and may your friend’s memory be a blessing.

Given that you do not have a memorial site, I would suggest you make one.

It needn’t be permanent, but allow yourself the ritual of gathering the things that meant the most to you and her— your photos, messages, and stories. Set it up somewhere in your house, or a place that has special meaning for you both.

If you’re able to, I would suggest connecting with other people who loved your friend.

Gathering online or in-person to share stories and memories can help bring her closer for a time.

The only thing that will stop the crying is time, and when you do cry, allow yourself to feel it. There is no correct timeline for grief.

You honor her by remembering her and by eventually experiencing the joy that she would want for you.

But for now, it is okay to cry.

Gently,

The Crone