Dear wise and omniscient Crone,

I failed thee and liked a guy, and in my defence, he was smart and funny in the sense that he wasn't funny at all, but always tried; he always gave the impression that he deeply understood me and complimented me often and beautifully.

I remember having my deepest conversations with him and then out of nowhere he ghosted me... so wtf was that?

So was I being delusional the whole time, was it like a voodoo attack or he was always an absolute douchebag.

Curiously,

The Lady Who is't is Hath Lost

Dear Lady,

This is not the kind of situation that you will get closure from.

The fact of the matter is, regardless of what you may have done, he lacked the attentiveness or capacity to communicate this issue.

Thus, ghosting can be as much of a blessing as it is a curse.

You likely were picking up on signals, but his interest wasn’t enough to encourage adult behavior.

You will be better off in the long run.

Gently,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I found a kindred flame in my cousin in 2018, and we were very close.

Over the pandemic, she became VERY catholic and hard to talk to, and became a new person.

I basically cut ties with her since then because it was too painful, but every time I think of her, I get sad.

She is clearly still open to a relationship with me, but I don't know if it’s worth the emotional toll.

On the other hand, I do not know if my heart can take a life of not trying to know her again.

What do I do?

Soul Breakups Suck

Dear SBS,

Given that the worst-case scenario would be losing her, I encourage you to explore this new dynamic with your cousin.

Clearly, she has found comfort in this new aspect of her life, and there is a chance you can navigate your place in it.

This is not a suggestion to tolerate intolerance if it appears, but to support the idea of growing alongside a person you care for.

Her desire to maintain a relationship with you is a good sign, and it may take some very clear communication and boundaries to figure out what you’re both comfortable with.

I will always prefer the uncomfortable conversation over eternal disconnection.

Understandingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

One of my best friends confessed he’s become attracted to me and he wants a FWB situation, not anything serious or romantic.

We had a conversation where I told him he’s too important to me to risk losing him; he’s been my rock through my parents’ sudden deaths in the last couple of years.

He told me it was cool and he’s not going anywhere, but now he’s acting weird, and I just want us to go back to normal.

Is there any way I can fix this?!

I can’t lose anyone else right now.

Anxiety Expert

Dear Anxiety Expert,

There is nothing you can do here because you’ve done nothing wrong.

Truthfully, I think your friend has been pining for you for a while, and now that his interest has been (completely understandably) rejected, he’s pulling back.

This may be because he needs to process his feelings, or because he was only close to you in the first place to get into your pants.

Only time will tell.

I will heartily recommend sticking to your decision, and remember that any shift in the dynamic is due to him.

Normal may take some time to return, if he’s able to get back there at all.

That will be up to him.

Treat everything like it’s normal, because for you, it is.

Sturdily,

The Crone

Hello Lady Crone (and Lord Daniel),

I need advice on how to deal with the crippling anxiety that comes with being surrounded by people younger than me being more successful.

I am 37 years old (about to be 38), and I am finally getting my Master's degree in library science.

Almost everyone in my classes have been much younger than me, with some already working in the field.

I keep applying to jobs, but no one is hiring me.

Did I miss my window being a SAHM?

Am I too old to do it now?

Sincerely,

DragonCat

Dear DragonCat,

Congratulations on getting your Master’s!

That is an incredible achievement, and I believe the world needs more librarians.

To be fair, there are certainly advantages to entering any industry at an earlier age, but there are also advantages to an extra decade of life experience.

I promise you are not the only person struggling to find a job, and that it is more about competitiveness in your field than your age.

Do not give up.

Keep working, keep applying, and once you do get hired, it will snowball from there.

In the meantime, network with your student peers, you’d be amazed how helpful a good word can be!

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone and Daniel,

I'm a 19-year-old girl and the second oldest in a family of 7.

My oldest sister moved out the minute she turned 18.

The rest are under my care. My parents work all day and leave me to take care of the kids and the house.

We are homeschooled, which means I also have to teach them when my dad doesn't have time.

I am so tired.

I have been doing this since I was 13, and I don't want to anymore.

I am scared to move out because that will make my mom hate me like it made her hate my sis.

Confused,

Lost Girl

Dear Lost Girl,

I wish I could say that the solution here is as simple as a difficult conversation, but clearly, your parents are not receptive to your needs.

You’re exhausted because you are a child.

And you don’t want to do this anymore because no child should be responsible for this.

I highly recommend contacting your older sister for tips on how she prepared to move out.

I should backtrack and say that you should talk with your parents.

You should make it abundantly clear that caring for your siblings to the degree you described is far beyond acceptable responsibility.

Ask for help, but don’t hold your breath.

You can leverage your desire to move out, but make sure you have all the necessary documents, such as birth certificates, SSN cards, passports, etc.

Maybe that will make your parents take you seriously.

But more likely, you will need to do it.

And while it may be difficult to read this, your mother’s hatred is not worth you sacrificing yourself on the altar of parentification.

Their anger is worth your freedom.

Make the preparations, and then talk to them.

Emphatically,

The Crone

Dearest Crone (and Daniel),

My birthday was yesterday (5/10), and it was a pretty big birthday, my 15th, and birthdays are a very important thing for me(as I have dealt with suicide in the past and it signifies another year of NOT unsubscribing from life) and I just wanted to be spoiled for one day.

However my family decided to go down to Tennessee for my stepmom’s friend’s wedding, on my birthday weekend.

It gets better, the wedding was ON my birthday.

Now, I have a little brother who is 4, almost 5, and this wedding happened to be a no-children wedding.

So my parents decided to make me babysit my little brother for 6 hours on my birthday.

They paid me for it, but I can’t help but feel that was probably the worst birthday I've ever had.

And my little brother is VERY DIFFICULT.

I am 99.99999999999% sure he is the reincarnation of a demon.

He was screaming and throwing and punching me for 6 HOURS.

Am I being bitchy? Or ungrateful?

From,

Gina

Dear Gina,

To start, allow me to extend an emphatic belated happy birthday.

We are so glad you are here, and even if your day didn’t go as planned, it was still a victory to see it (and get through it).

In terms of what you can do, there is nothing wrong with a late celebration.

See if your friends are free for a get-together.

I find that something simple is always best.

Additionally, I would speak to your father privately.

You should tell him how skipping your birthday made you feel

You are absolutely not ungrateful.

It is very normal for birthdays to be a day dedicated to you, and who wants to babysit a toddler on any day?

If you can, make plans for your birthday in advance next year—whether that is a sleepover at a friend’s or a day trip that will keep you separate from this kind of situation.

The less reliant you are on your dad and stepmom to facilitate the day, the smoother you’ll be able to dodge any attempts at changing your schedule.

I’m sorry you didn’t have the day you wanted, but don’t let the Gregorian calendar stop you from a do-over.

We’re celebrating you!

Love,

The Crone

Dearest Crone,

Since my son’s traumatic birth last year—during which no one called me by my name, only “mom”—I’ve struggled with others calling me that.

It’s fine from him or my husband, but from anyone else, it feels like I’ve lost my identity.

I’m still a person, right?

How do I set that boundary without sounding unstable?

Sincerely,

Not Just Mom

Dear NJM,

Dearie, be unstable.

You had a deeply traumatic experience, and have every right to tell someone, “hey, just call me NJM.”

You’re absolutely a person, and that doesn’t change because of motherhood.

I encourage you to speak to a professional, and I would even inform your husband to help you enforce the boundary you want to hold.

It’s not rude to remind people what you want.

And quite frankly, if they’re offended, one up it and call them a fuckwit.

Take it slow.

Gently,

The Crone

Dear Supreme Crone,

I want to get your opinion on this, I'm 20 and have been single my whole life (literally wanting to castrate every man that talked to me) but I opened up recently and met a guy who I shared a somewhat form of intimacy with, it was mid but my first, the thing is I don't feel that strongly about any of it, but I got annoyed because he didn't write a single message after that night.

While it isn't a me problem, I don't know where to go from here.

Dating apps are hell.

Humbly, me.

A Witch and a Cat Mom

Dear A Witch and A Cat Mom,

Unfortunately, it’s likely that the man ghosted after getting what he wanted.

He’s a douche, and not someone you need to concern yourself with.

Truthfully, I don’t see anything wrong with continuing as you were.

Clearly, whatever you’re doing means you are capable of meeting individuals with whom you can share moments of intimacy.

If you want to expand on that, identify what changes (or consistencies) in your routine led to the last situation.

Given your neutrality on the event itself, I say go with the flow.

A deeper connection will improve all forms of intimacy, so as you explore, keep in mind what you like and hunt for it.

Exploratorily,

The Crone

Dear Crone (and Daniel),

I have found an apartment and am moving next month.

Yay, no more 3-hour commute to and from work! Now comes the problem: I hate moving.

Any advice on how to make cleaning, packing, and throwing things away more bearable?

And after moving, how do I and my dog survive going from 3 km to the closest neighbour to living in an apartment building?

Seeking your wisdom,

Forest-goblin

Dear Forest-goblin,

When it comes to packing, cleaning, and moving, you need two things.

Time and friends.

Start gathering and labeling boxes yesterday, and see where you can save money by utilizing towels and shirts to transport fragile goods.

Furthermore, make sure you have a good moving time frame.

It is most helpful when you can move in to your new place before you’re legally required to vacate.

Give yourself a time buffer, even if that means a slightly larger rent payment for the first month.

If you can afford it, it’s worth it.

Ask your friends to help you. Moving stuff in and out of U-Haul is exceedingly taxing and will take days longer if you do it alone.

Don’t let chronically online people convince you it’s illegal to ask friends for favors.

In terms of your dog, you’re going to need to walk them significantly more often if they’re used to a massive backyard to explore.

I recommend knocking and introducing yourself to your closest neighbors when you move in.

And be prepared for strained conversations regarding smoke, noise, and pretty much everything else.

Don’t try too hard to please anyone other than your dog, and you’ll do fine.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Read the previous question in Edition #24: Autumn Rains and Relationship Pains 

Beloved crone,

Almost nine months and my update is born- the engagement didn’t go the way it was meant to, they weren’t going about anything properly, and my friends got me to realize how unhappy I'd be with a man who has his mom try his food for him and couldn’t pick out gifts for me himself (I could go on and on oh, I was so mad), so I left the engagement and my family(for other reasons) and I’m quite happy living with my partner now!

Anyway, let me know if you want to see pics of me with that bum <3

Pistachio

Dear Pistachio,

Holy Hecate, what an update.

I am so glad that you have found happiness with your partner, and I will say you dodged a monstrously sized bullet with that mama’s boy.

I am especially glad that you are safe, all things considered, and I trust that you have made the right decision regarding contact with your family.

Truly, no notes.

Thank you so much for following up with us.

Next time, use a different phrasing for your intro.

I almost had a heart attack, you know how I feel about the pregnancy trope.

Happily,

The Crone