Dear Crone,

Waiting for the wedding night for personal reasons, 2 options.

Should I date, not sleep with yet, a little league coach getting on his feet for the summer, and see where it goes, while the guy who cheated on me and slept with multiple women deals with all that?

Curiously,

Dumbass

Dear Greatass,

I will admit, I’m not sure if the rest of your question got cut off due to a character limit, or there ended up being just one option.

Either way, I would say, so long as you are not rushing into bed, it's not a bad idea.

Your ex’s decisions should not impact yours.

As long as you remain secure in your reasons for waiting, then you should see where it goes.

I merely wish to caution against any impulsive actions. It can feel, temporarily, that your ex’s betrayal invalidates your desire to wait.

It doesn’t.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I can't get over this one.

I met this guy in high school.

We were never close, but we reconnected after college, and I fell for him.

When I told him, he ghosted me.

A few months later, we started talking again, and he told me he was falling for me, but wouldn't do long distance.

Ghosted again.

Eventually, I decided to cut ties.

I don’t regret protecting myself, but I still feel like I haven't moved forward.

I can’t figure out if I’m not over him or if I haven’t forgiven myself for how I left it.

Help,

Three of Swords

Dear Three of Swords,

“Getting over it” isn’t a distinct stage but rather a period of growth.

You may continue to torment yourself, but you’ll notice over time that your thoughts will be focused on him less and less.

Even if you haven’t forgiven yourself, you admit that you don’t regret protecting yourself.

So that chapter is closed.

Fin.

Slutet.

Done.

You can reread whatever you’d like, but so long as you keep those ties cut, you’re doing the right thing.

I’d rather you feel uncomfortable doing the right thing than terrible repeating the same old patterns.

You don’t need to dissect every decision to know you’re making the right one.

Give yourself that break.

Gently,

The Crone

Dear Almighty Crone,

My ex-situationship slash friend slash theater buddy (loooong story) and I have began talking again.

Like all the other times I’d like to proceed with the adorable dating part of our little dance and have it to actually work, we’re compatible in literally every way, but we both overthink so hard we end up fucking it over.

Is there any way to not die in the friend zone here?

Or am I doomed to make awkward small talk once a year at reunions?

Desperately,

Buying Timeshares in the Friendzone

Dear BTF,

Has anyone successfully dated a theater buddy?

I hate to say it, dearie, but if you don’t want to die in the friend zone, find a man with whom you can both be mature enough to date.

Speaking plainly, is it possible you’re overthinking the fact that you aren’t compatible?

Sure, you feel something there, but if you aren’t able to date, that’s coffin, lid, and nail!

You’d rather waste time in between annual reunions than just find someone it’s easier with?

No.

Save yourself the trouble, dearie.

Honestly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I think that I'm Bi.

But I'm worried about coming out as I was brought up in a very strict household, and I'm afraid of what people will say.

But I also want to be honest with myself, I don't know what to do.

Curiously,

Rose

Dear Rose,

We do not need to jump the gun.

Living authentically is secondary to being safe.

If you’re in control of your finances, have your own place, and will not suffer physical consequences from being honest with your family, then we can begin discussing how you’re going to come out.

Get comfortable with yourself first, get used to who you may be, and then we can worry about what other people will say.

For what it’s worth, people who discuss others’ sexuality never say anything meaningful.

Take it slow.

Happily,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I have been diagnosed with OCD and think I am coping, I am going to therapy and all.

Is it weird that I feel crazy half the time?

I have way too many thoughts, and most of them are weird.

Does that make me crazy?

I am very tired, and fighting with my brain leaves me no time to study.

I just hope I am not crazy.

Thanks, Crone, love, the stepsister you wish you had.

Bodaciously,

The non-ugly but wicked stepsister

Dear Wicked Stepsis,

To my knowledge, you’re explaining very common symptoms of your diagnosis.

You’re not crazy.

You’re obsessive-compulsive.

I would highly recommend contacting your psychiatrist with questions, as they are far more qualified to provide support than I.

Furthermore, it is they who can best prescribe medication, CBT, or other treatment methods.

Continue to take care of yourself; it is the best thing for you.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Hello Crone,

I send you love and best wishes!

I am struggling with trying to stay positive around negative people!

It is like my soul is a sponge and soaks it up!

I know how silly that sounds!

But I have been trying to be more positive, and it has made me see how negative people are around me.

But it's not my place to demand they become positive too.

With Love,

Hopeful Anon

Dear Hopeful Anon,

It’s not silly at all!

In fact, it’s merely impossible.

Negativity is an endless resource, whereas positivity is a conscious, finite choice.

You soak it up, because there will always be more to crash out over than you can find good in the world.

It’s what makes headlines, sells ad slots, and gets clicks!

Therefore, if you want to protect your positive little soul, you have to remove yourself from these negative spaces or learn not to let it touch you.

This means not engaging in endlessly negative rhetoric, avoiding worrying yourself over their laments, and potentially withdrawing the degree of support you provide.

I consider this all a good thing, mind you.

After a certain degree of providing a shoulder to cry on, whining about one’s situation without taking steps to change it just means they’re using you.

Good luck!

Straightforwardly,

The Crone

Crone,

I keep having prophetic dreams or visions with a 90% come true rate and a 76% accuracy rate within that.

I had a dream the other night that my friend got a flat tire, and I told her that if she was going on a more than hour drive, to check her tires first because I dreamt she was by her car with a flat tire.

She went to see her mom and had a major tire blowout and had to be towed.

The dreams/visions are starting to get more detailed, and I don’t know what to do or know peace anymore.

Prophetically,

Temu Tiresias

Dear TT,

If you can find me the winning lottery numbers (USD, not CAD) and/or Henry Cavill’s home address and alarm combination, I will proclaim thee prophetess.

Otherwise, sounds like you need to make or break the stock market (dealer’s choice).

You can always set up shop in Las Vegas to make some bank, though if the visions start getting terrifying, you start hearing things, or you have trouble sleeping, consider seeing a professional.

Oh, and check the batteries in your smoke alarm.

Hop to it, Bruja!

The Crone

Hi Crone,

I have been having some issues with my mother since I have been in a wheelchair, including going out of her way to make things more difficult for me, like choosing to go somewhere with steps to get in when the cafe they usually go to is accessible, and hiding my meds.

I am not currently in a position to cut contact as she's bringing some bridesmaids to my wedding, and I cannot make other arrangements for them.

I just need some ideas in the meantime, as I don’t know what to do anymore.

Sincerely,

Betrayed Daughter

Dear Daughter,

I want to congratulate you on handling this situation far more maturely (and less explosively) than I would.

I cannot fathom why your mother is behaving this way, though I have a few adjectives for her that wouldn’t be particularly helpful.

At least she is being useful, I suppose.

My advice is to keep her busy.

Without diagnosing, she seems rather self-absorbed, and those types love to simultaneously be responsible for things while lamenting how much they have to do.

Give it to her.

Whatever you can conjure, ask her to do it, let her complain, and moan, and thank her profusely, but don’t back off until she agrees.

It will keep her out of your way and potentially get some minute details handled.

Also, the next time you all go to a coffee shop, tell them you’re going to the accessible one, and they’re welcome to join you there.

Mazel tov on your wedding!

Love,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

My childhood friend is getting married, she herself is a mess, I only found out I’m a bridesmaid over a Facebook post & brief call (I initiated) to confirm.

But I am struggling financially and with my health.

I’ve decided I won’t sacrifice my well-being for lukewarm friendships anymore.

But I’m a chicken.

How do I explain this to her?

Our friendship isn’t the same, and I need to put myself first?

But also- because I’m better friends with her sister, stay on good terms, and avoid a fallout?

Sincerely,

Wedding allergic

Dear Allergic,

It’s quite simple and quite direct.

It’s not about the lukewarm friendship; it’s about you.

You tell the bridezilla to be that you are not in a position to commit to the obligations of a bridesmaid due to financial and health reasons.

Straightforward and blameless.

This shouldn’t impact your relationship with anyone, and if it does… that says more about them.

To be a bit of a bitch, if it was so important she could have contacted you directly about being a bridesmaid?

Maybe that’s just me.

Either way, you don’t need to grovel, just say it’s because of the reasons above.

And the sooner the better!

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

A while ago, my family found out that my father was dating my mom's married best friend for two years before their divorce.

I recently found out he's started seeing this woman again, and he's had her pick me up from work, despite knowing full well that I don't want to see her.

I feel like he's trying to force me to get over his wanton destruction of my family, and I don't know how to confront him about it while maintaining my composure and not getting angry.

Any tips on keeping calm?

Curiously,

Unwilling Stepkid

Dear Unwilling,

I’m sorry, dearie.

Unfortunately, it’s a longstanding tradition that divorce seems to make men… fucking stupid.

And that’s something to keep in mind.

His goal isn’t malicious; he wants his partner and child to get along.

Again, he’s just stupid.

This will require you to exercise some autonomy.

You can tell him, “I don’t feel comfortable seeing her,” but then the best way to enforce that is to organize your own way home.

Consider public transportation, carpooling, or, if you have your own income, ridesharing as another option.

You unfortunately can’t rely on your father to fund against his interests, and DO NOT drag your mother into this.

If you want to cause problems?

Tell her to her face you don’t want to see her.

I’m not saying it’ll improve things, but fathers with a habit of ignoring their children often kowtow to their new partner.

If she doesn’t want to pick you up, that’ll also help.

In terms of staying calm, BREATHE, and recognize when the conversation has begun looping, and step away.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

Thank you for answering my call for advice.

It has been taken with great amounts of approval on my end, but not on that of others.

They argue that I should discuss what happened with the aforementioned grown man (though he acts like a child) and try to be friends as he had wanted to when we broke up.

The idea of doing so makes me want to vomit, as for the reason that we got together was sheer desperation on my end.

Advice for this would be appreciated.

Medusa

Dear Medusa,

You have the ick, dearie.

And for that relationship, it’s terminal.

I’d rather take a nail gun to the temple than attempt the farcical “post-breakup friendship.”

I’m not particularly worried about the opinion of the others, and you shouldn’t be either.

As I said before, continue with your day.

Do not let guilt coerce you into a decision your body is physically rejecting.

The man-child can continue his desperate attention seeking—which has clearly worked, given he’s garnered some sympathies.

But you don’t have to worry about that. Tell the others they’re welcome to be his friend if they’re so concerned about him.

You have far more important things to worry about.

Academically,

The Crone