Dear Crone,

My dumbass decided to get into a workplace situationship, and now brother won't leave me alone.

How do I get it through his thick skull that I just want to be friends?

Without making it awko taco, ofc.

Yours,

thewickedspinster

Dear thewickedspinster,

What’s easier, awko taco or not being left alone?

Ripping bandaids always goes better than hoping someone thick in the head gets the message.

Be direct or fake your death.

Best of the luck!

The Crone

Hey Crone,

I broke up with my long-term bf of 5 years a year ago.

But lately, I have been feeling that my story with him is not over.

So I got into the whole manifestation culture and dream in 4d get in 3d stuff.

I feel crazy but also good.

Help me?

Manifesting ig

Dear Manifesting,

Five years is a long time for a relationship, and I understand why you would miss him.

It’s possible you might be lonely.

After five years, your boyfriend and the concept of socializing were heavily entwined.

Your lifestyle has changed, and you’re still adjusting.

I’m not discouraging you from having hope, but you have an opportunity to develop new hobbies and relationships rather than seeking happiness in old comforts.

You can keep manifesting as long as you don’t close yourself off to new experiences.

Exploring yourself in 3D will satisfy you more than dreams will.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I was with someone for a year.

Recently, life's been very rough for both of us and it got too hard to handle.

So he wanted to break up to fix ourselves first before trying again.

We still talk amicably, which I hate, but I'm pathetically happy for the crumbs.

I'm hoping for our future still, but this limbo hurts.

May I ask for advice?

Unsurely Pathetic

Dear Unsurely,

Hope is a wonderful thing, but it can inflict misery without direction.

It sounds like amicable isn’t healthy for you and serves only to reopen an unhealing wound.

A future is possible, but not while wallowing in the past.

You need to assert some independence.

Improving for the sake of potentially rekindling the relationship means you’re still in that relationship.

Working on yourself for someone else doesn’t enable lasting growth.

You’re broken up. Go be single.

Properly. Unattached.

I want to caution that relationships do take work, regardless of how healthy an individual may or may not be.

You are far closer to the situation than I am, so assess whether things were unmanageable or he was running from difficult things.

Neither is inherently incorrect, but it may provide an inkling of what a future could look like.

I argue that those who cannot grow in relationships cannot grow when out of them.

Give yourself something more.

Honestly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

My best friend of several years has drifted away since starting a new job and bonding with a new friend.

We hardly talk anymore.

How do I move forward after feeling replaced?

Sincerely,

Feeling Replaced

Dear Feeling,

Has the issue been a lack of effort on her part or a lack of time on either of yours?

I would argue that she is essentially in the honeymoon phase of her new job and, as such, is rapidly connecting with her new environment.

I understand it may feel as though you are drifting apart, but I wouldn’t discount your years of history just yet.

It will be more difficult if she’s your exclusive social outlet, considering she has less time for you. But otherwise, you can continue to put in effort and see if she reciprocates.

If she doesn’t return the effort, you move forward by finding people who will.

Matter-of-factly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I am less than 108 days from finally receiving the degree I've been working on since 2018.

I'm so proud of myself and delighted that I've gotten this far.

But I'm afraid that I'm going to totally self-sabotage or burn myself out.

Help, please.

Neurodivergent Matchbook

Dear Matchbook,

Why would you self-sabotage?

Are there specific behaviors you know will lead to burning out before getting your degree?

If there’s a specific way of going about it, I would frankly suggest not doing that.

But if your fear of self-sabotage is more of a perpetual anxiety, understand that self-sabotage is the work of the unaware.

People who understand themselves, as you seem to do, don’t actively seek to ruin their own happiness.

Self-sabotage requires plausible deniability. If you’re verbalizing it, you lack the unawareness you need to perform it.

You are proud and delighted with yourself, and you should be!

Clearly, everything you have been doing so far has been working, so keep it up!

You mustn’t fear yourself, as it is what brought you this far!

Academically,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

Technically, my life is going perfectly.

But I’ve always been disappointed with myself, like I’m just existing without actually living.

It’s upsetting because there’s no reason to feel this was.

Desperately,

Existing Pathetically

Dear Existing,

You’ve run into the difference between being alive and living.

It’s wonderful that your life is going perfectly, but your disappointment likely means you haven’t set ambitious enough goals to satisfy you.

It’s time for a change of pace.

What have you always wanted to achieve for yourself that you have yet to pursue formally?

Is it traveling, a fitness goal, or perhaps learning a language?

External changes can absolutely help!

However, it is important to recognize that this thinking may be habitual or neurochemical.

I would greatly recommend speaking to a professional to assess how and when these feelings developed.

You are not wrong for feeling this way, and repression will not dull these emotions.

Gently,

The Crone

Dear Existing,

As someone who lives within my own perpetually moving goalpost, please know I understand where you are coming from.

It is a learned skill to celebrate your success when it occurs.

As strange as it may be, a helpful practice I have found is writing out what you have achieved and what you would be proud of accomplishing.

It will visualize where along your goals you are, and perhaps you’ll realize you’ve made far more progress than you initially let yourself acknowledge.

Emotions flow, but that makes them no less valid for being impermanent.

Be kind to yourself.

Gently,

Daniel

Dear Crone,

How do I stop my sister from marrying someone?

My sister may get married to someone so they can stay in the country, and while we have a not-so-great relationship, I don’t want to see her life potentially ruined.

Sincerely,

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

Have you brought up specific concerns with your sister?

Does your sister’s potential partner showcase explicit behaviors you dislike?

It seems unlikely your sister is willing to marry a complete stranger, and therein lies your answer.

If your sister knows this individual, you must trust her to care for herself.

If your sister is crazy enough to propose to a stranger… I don’t think you’ll be able to convince her otherwise with logic in the first place.

Sounds like it could be a rom-com.

Make sure she gets a prenup.

Honestly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

My best friend of 4 years has a massive victim complex.

Somehow she keeps getting irked by everything I do nowadays, it has gotten worse.

How do I politely break it to her that it isn't helping our friendship? (I can't directly talk to her because she'll immediately start blowing up and blaming).

Exhaustingly,

Persephone's Ichor

Dear Persephone’s Ichor,

You cannot tell her your concerns, and her behavior is straining your friendship, correct?

Unfortunately, victim complexes are difficult to deal with because they inherently operate from a self-imposed high ground.

All concerns are criticisms, and all criticisms are attacks.

The best advice I can give is… let her be the victim but don’t engage with it.

This is a form of attention-seeking, and if you refuse to feed the fire—do not apologize, do not acquiesce, do not even blink—she’ll eventually realize you can’t provide what she is looking for.

More than likely, she’ll drop you, but sometimes problems fix themselves.

It may suck to lose a friend but rarely is it fun to be exhausted.

Simply,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I get that books might have raised my expectations, but I have no interest in any partner.

But I like to admire them from the side.

I feel like I would smother them with a pillow for breathing wrong.

Sincerely,

The Disgusted One.

Dear TDO,

That’s fine.

People are often disappointing, and it wouldn’t be healthy or beneficial to force it if you aren't interested.

So long as you are receptive to your own needs— including if they may suddenly change— there isn’t anything wrong with preferring fantasy.

I recommend assessing how this impacts your future goals— career, family, etc.- but if you feel secure in your current decision, go nuts!

If things change, I recommend breathing strips.

Literarily,

The Crone

Dear Crone on High,

My father is dying.

What an intro, amirite?

Anyway, not sure how to feel as I don’t have the best relationship with him.

As in, he’s a big source of trauma for me.

Any advice?

Worshipfully,

Confused and Traumatized

Dear CandT,

Would seeing him one last time help to grant you closure or merely serve to bring up anxieties you are still working through?

Unfortunately, his being a source of trauma doesn’t change the fact that he is your father.

It is understandable to have conflicting emotions regarding this situation.

Will you regret not speaking to him before he passes? Has he reached out in the hopes of seeing you?

I would highly recommend speaking to a professional, as it will allow you to outline how you can handle this in person with him.

In the future, what would having overcome this trauma look like? In that scenario, what would you say to your father, and what would you like your relationship to be like?

This is your only chance to say it.

Other family members who know the situation can also provide more personalized insight into this scenario.

This won’t be a simple equation. Having a support group will be vital to processing your decision.

Gently,

The Crone

Read the Previous Question Here

Dear Crone,

I took your advice to laugh as I fall.

I went back to school, improved my bubbe’s challah recipe, and joined a book club.

I rekindled an old potential romance and decided I’m going to move home.

I made new friends, and I’m building myself new wings.

Even though things still kinda suck, I’ve learned not to fly to the sun.

Thank you!

Icarus

My Wonderful, Wonderful, Dear Icarus,

Mazel tov.

I am so excited to see where you will fly next.

May your studies be engaging, your challah be golden, and your books be full of smut (and birth control).

Have a safe, meaningful journey home, and enjoy the progress you have made.

Cherish your friends, and fly safe.

Bask in the sun, frolic before the moon, but bring a jacket, dearie, it’s cold.

Warmly,

The Crone

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