Dear Crone,

So basically, I figured out that one of my friends has liked me for six years as of last January (not sure if he still does or not).

Should I say something to him? I found out from his friend…

Pookiebear

Dear Pookibear,

Do you like him?

If so, then yeah, it’s not a bad idea to ask him out, but otherwise, not much can come from this.

There’s also something to be said for why he didn’t make a move for six years.

I say open that can of worms.

Straightforwardly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I met my husband when in a depression.

7 years in, I am coming back to myself and realizing we aren’t inherently compatible.

After a few months of contemplating divorce, I think I’ve resolved to try and improve things in the marriage.

But now, I’m at a loss for how!

He’s an anxious attached style who values words of affirmation and physical touch.

I’m an avoidant, and either of us being that expressive gives me the ick.

How can I stay my best true self while still validating his needs?

Bridging the Gap

Dear Bridging,

I commend you for wanting to make this work, so long as you do actually love your husband.

From there, I’m going to recommend a serious, direct conversation with your man, and I think a therapist’s presence may be helpful.

You’re going to need to dive into both what you need and why certain things bother you, and you’re both going to have to get comfortable with expressiveness and boundaries.

I’m going to suggest you analyze your “ick” response, because a professional will ask you why genuine expressions of affection upset you.

There’s a historical basis is what I’m saying.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

Two months ago, I was introduced to my buddy's friend from work.

I started catching feelings for him almost immediately.

I haven't had contact with him for the past month, until I texted him yesterday with a question that turned into us talking through the whole night.

I loved it, until today, completely unprompted, he texted me that he's sorry, but I'm not his type.

Our friend got involved, and the situation just kept getting worse.

How do I deal with this?

I don't want to lose his friendship.

Hopeless Romantic

Dear Hopeless Romantic,

In the best way possible, there’s nothing to deal with; the guy isn’t interested.

I cannot fathom why your friend got involved, but just drop this conversation.

Like, truly stop talking about it.

You don’t even need to be involved; there isn’t anything to do.

You’re asking how to handle a negative: you move onto literally everything else.

Straightforwardly,

The Crone

Crone,

I have a friend with a fuckass boyfriend that doesn’t allow her to hang out with people he doesn’t like, and she always cancels on me because of him.

He’s like, actually abusive, but she gets mad when I tell her to dump him, and recently accused me of wanting him.

Mind you, there’s 30 of him at the local gas station at any given time.

Would it be mean of me to break up with her?

Our friendship is exhausting.

Little Bird

Little Bird,

She loves it.

She loves the drama, she loves the stress, she loves thinking that other people want her man.

Free yourself, Little Bird.

She’ll come around when she wants to, or she’ll have his kids.

Not your problem either way.

Directly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I'm 20. I live in a 3rd world country, but I found a way to make a living for myself.

The thing is, I feel like my family only uses me for money.

I've been paying school fees and bills since 17 and it's a lot.

I'm thinking of moving out, but haven't because everyone is telling me to stay home because if I leave, how do they get bills paid (even my religious leaders) I get their point because parents haven’t worked in 2 years.

What do I do?

Fairy Princess

Dear Fairy Princess,

If you can do it safely, move.

They handled their own finances before you were born; they can figure it out without relying on a young adult.

Seriously, this is the kind of situation that prevents long-term success; get out of it if you can do so safely.

Otherwise, they will continue to take from you, and they will not help you when you need it.

Maybe don’t leave a forwarding address.

Cautiously,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

How do I handle someone who's rude to me privately, but is still in my friend group?

I've tried bringing this up with the person privately, but they've done nothing to fix their behavior.

Please help!!

Robyn

Dear Robyn,

Call them out in public.

Seriously, if they’re going to pull shit with you, give a saccharine smile and let them know you’re aware of what they’re up to.

If they get offended, point out that you spoke to them about this already.

Play ball.

Problematically,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I'm stressed.

I have a preteen now, with lots of emotions, and I'm trying to figure out what to say.

I'm trying to ask what she wants and needs, but I can't understand.

All I've managed to do was ask questions and be there before reminding her she has school in the morning and to go to sleep.

I'm not trying to tell her feelings don't matter, but I don't know what I'm supposed to say in this context.

Am I doomed to repeat a cycle?

Unwilling Cyclist

Dear Unwilling Cyclist,

Most people who repeat cycles are unaware of the cycle in question, so you’re off to a good start!

You don’t have to understand, you just need to hear it.

If she’s asking for what she needs (within reason), you can take it at face value. Simultaneously, part of caring is doing what’s best for her, even if it is upsetting.

Absolutely make sure she’s getting enough sleep and brushing her teeth, but understand you’re going to piss her off regardless of what you do; it’s a part of doing your job.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Hello Crone,

2 months ago, my best friend came to me with some concerns about our relationship.

I took the news as maturely as I could, and I said I would work on it (I see now that I should have added an 'I'm sorry').

I thought that we were going to try being friends again, but the next day he started to ignore me.

I'm trying to move on, but it's been hard since he really was my closest friend, we share a friend group, and he happened to stop talking to me on my birthday.

What should I do?

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

You respect it.

He came to you with his concerns, and now he’s handling his feelings about them as best as he can.

You can still be kind to him and be present in your friend group, but it may take time for your dynamic to heal.

I recommend formally apologizing and giving him the space to accept it.

You can take it slowly from there.

Delicately,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I have no questions, other than just to say hi. I love your videos <3

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

It’s always lovely to receive write-ins that are simply good vibes.

Whether it’s a view, a like, or a follow, your enjoyment is what makes it worth it.

From our messed-up little world to yours.

Love,

The Crone

"Dearest Daniel and most revered Crone,

First, if you see Hekate, tell her I got it and I’ll course correct. (I’ve been a follower of her for a long time and went through a rebellious phase.)

Not to play on my tag, but thank you so much for listening.

I read your missive multiple times. I cried every time I read, “gently…” I haven’t had a lot of this kind of gentleness.

He and I are doing well, though still at a physical distance.

We have talked and he’s really shy! I forcibly set aside the “what ifs” and work to live in the moment, even if we are far apart right now.

Sometimes I gnash my teeth because I want everything to be what I want right now, and I still have the award for staying aware and working on a solution with my person.

Thank you for being gentle. I still tear up. I’ve gone back and forth about being funny or witty here. But….

Sincerely,

Thank You for Listening.

Dear Listening,

I always have a little anxiety when hearing back from previous write-ins.

Until I see your name in my inbox again, I’m forced to wonder how things are going, but the wait was well worth it.

Good on you for being patient and open, that’s all you have to be.

And make sure you’re gentle with yourself, too.

Happily,

The Crone