Dear Crone,

I recently found out my ex-husband of 2 years is now dating my brother's ex-wife of 6 years.

My ex disclosed to me that she initiated conversations after we separated, and I didn’t think anything of it.

Neither of them held the other in high regard, so imagine my shock.

I’ve blocked their phone numbers and social media accounts after I found out, but I’m having a hard time accepting the situation and moving on.

Do I attempt to speak my peace with them or just double up on therapy sessions?

Sincerely,

To Be Petty Or Not

Dear To Be,

It sounds like you stumbled onto a new arc in an unconventional romance.

If I may, is it possible that your reluctance to accept a relationship between these parties may be due to lingering resentment of your divorce?

Your ex-husband has been available for 2 years, and your brother’s ex-wife has been available for 6!

At that point, no one should be interested in what their ex is up to, barring the presence of any children.

I say double up in therapy, especially as they’re clearly not worried about your opinion on the matter, hence why they told you.

Honestly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

My book bestie is unhappily married to a male partner.

He often makes comments about our shared love of romance novels and implies that we read them because we are sexually dysfunctional.

What’s the kindest way to encourage her to dump him?

He’s generally awful and she seems so unhappy and resigned to this marriage.

Subtly,

HamburgerHelpMe

Dear HamburgerHelpMe,

I’m going to delicately ask you to stay in your lane.

The complexities of a marriage mean that any outsider cannot understand the depth of a relationship.

Even if your friend is unhappy, if she’s resigned to the marriage, that’s her decision.

The only thing you can do is provide support now and in the event she pursues the end of her marriage.

Overall, his comments make him an asshole, but that doesn’t make it your right to try to wedge your way into someone else’s marriage.

She’s an adult, respect her enough to make her own decisions.

Honestly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

Me again!

Hopefully the Crone's been feeding you, Daniel.

Today, we take a break from our regularly scheduled uni preparations to dip in the romance section of this column!!

A bit of backstory - I only realised around mid-2024 that I am, bi, and started checking out the girlies.

Well, one thing led to another, and instead of obsessing, I drunkenly confessed to the girl I had a crush on and now we're together!

The only thing is - this is new to both of us.

How does one relationship?

Excitedly,

Actress

Dear Actress,

He’s been eating more than enough, I assure you!

A brand new relationship requires a significant effort for clear communication.

Even more so if this is your first time engaging in a queer relationship.

This will require outlining how you two are defining yourself, what to tell family (if at all), and your comfort levels regarding… well… everything.

Remember that this will be learning process, try to be flexible, and understand the goal with conflict is resolution, not being right.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Actress,

I just do the opposite of what my parents did.

Seems to work.

Exceptionally single,

Daniel

Dear Crone,

My ex-best friend of 4 years who dumped me for her man who likes to cheat on her and told her if she gets a job/voted for Kamala he would KILL her, is now pregnant by him.

He’s been caught cheating twice, and both times had been doing it for months. They’ve been together for about a year.

Am I right to be tweaking out about this?

Sincerely,

Baby Fear

Dear Baby Fear,

By all means, tweak away.

In these situations, you do not need to take on the responsibility as part of her support group.

She’s kicked you out of that position.

I understand your lasting concern for her and her baby, but if she has cut you out, you cannot take on that emotional burden.

If she ends up coming to her senses and seeks to leave him, you can absolutely be there for her.

But until that time, she is an adult and you must leave her to her decision.

Do not risk your safety trying to be there for a person who has said she does not want you to be.

Gently,

The Crone

Dearest Crone,

I may have just done something crazy and booked a boudoir shoot for the summertime.

I am not particularly confident in myself and I'm betting my anxiety is going to overrun the next few months worrying about it.

I have already made safety plans (never go alone, etc.) but how do I get out of my own head and just... do it?

How do I step in front of a camera and feel good about it?

I really really want to do it, but I don't want my insecurities to rule the (eventual) day.

Sincerely,

Confidently Unconfident

Dear CU,

There are two ways to go about this.

The first is physical.

Ask yourself if there are specific, achievable goals you wish to reach regarding physical fitness before this shoot.

If that’s the case, see what steps you can incorporate into your daily routine to get there.

Maybe it’s trying out a new healthy recipe you will like or going on walks with your friends. You can make it fun and benefit all the way until your photoshoot (and after).

The second will be mental.

This is more about allowing yourself the freedom to enjoy such an experience.

You say you will have anxiety over this; consciously address it.

When that emotion bubbles up, check in with yourself.

Why are you anxious?

What about “that” is making you anxious?

What’s the worst-case scenario for this? How likely is it?

It’s completely normal to feel, but talking your way through it will be far more useful to you as opposed to just sitting with it.

I’d also get used to just seeing yourself in more intimate settings.

Trying what you plan to wear, getting used to these kinds of intimates, and growing to feel comfortable in them will also help calm such anxieties.

Think of it as sexy exposure therapy!

At the end of the day, I believe you’ll enjoy this photoshoot and be proud of yourself for doing it!

Flash photography is strictly mandatory,

The Crone

Dear CU,

To absolutely nobody’s surprise, I am going to suggest attending a sex positivity workshop or adjacent.

This can be any sort of kink exploration or (shockingly) pole class.

Any environment where you can feel or channel self-confidence and sexuality will help gear you up for the big day.

It’s really hard not to feel hot when you drop it low with a pole in your hand.

Dizzily,

Daniel

Dear Crone,

I was there 24/7 for my "bestie" when their life went upside down.

When my life went upside down they suddenly took a "break" for months.

They did not apologize but wanted to restart the friendship.

Should I put my feelings aside for this?

Sincerely,

Confused Friend

Dear Friend,

You’ve run into what is best described as a “fair weather” friend.

They will be a great time, leave you with many happy memories, and disappear the moment things get difficult.

You can continue this relationship with the understanding that they are not someone to be relied on.

You can also tell them to get lost.

Either is rather understandable, but know that the only way to restart this friendship is to put your feelings aside, for if they cared in the first place, they would not have ghosted.

Fairweather people are not evil, they are simply a sign that you cannot expect a reciprocation of effort, and to plan accordingly.

Sisypheanly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I'm 20, a woman, and in my second semester of a master's program.

I think I've fallen in love with someone in my program.

All fall, we were flirting and "hanging out"; we even went to dinner a few times and saw a movie (which he paid for).

After the break, I learned he's gay and not interested in dating men for religious reasons.

He's sworn off relationships altogether.

I'm not willing to lose his friendship- What do I do with all these feelings?

Yours,

Lost in Love

Dear in Love,

You move on.

Treasure his friendship, enjoy his company, and let it the fuck go, dearie.

You have connected with someone who makes you feel safe, is great to be around, and can help you through your master’s program.

These are great qualities in a potential partner but are still wonderful to have in a friend.

Honestly it can be nice going to a movie without the fear of the look and lean in.

Your feelings will fade with time, shift the energy toward your studies, and who knows, maybe he has a twin?

Academically,

The Crone

Dear Daniel and/or Crone,

A good friend invited me to work on a long-term project.

Every member of the team has full-time commitments that we work around, but I am concerned about my ability to balance it alongside mine.

Do you have any advice?

Kind regards,

SKELETON DIVINE DEATH BLAST

Dear SDDB,

For starters, thank you for quoting one of Daniel’s favorite memes.

Do not assess your ability to participate in this group work based on everyone else’s capacity to handle their own obligations.

If joining will deteriorate your ability to handle your commitments or mean you create subpar work in this group, I don’t think it's the right path for you.

Honestly,

The Crone

Dear Everyone Wondering,

Laughing my ass off,

Daniel

Dear Crone,

Hi! I am STRUGGLING at my current place of work.

First, my boss put in his two weeks and left back in March, and I absorbed his job. Then another crucial employee at work also put in their two weeks and also left.

Leaving me to pick up the slack there.

I’m exhausted and don’t know how to ask for compensation for how much work I’m doing.

Stressed,

Accountant Jae

Dear Jae,

First of all, you’re going to start hunting for your next job, as this situation is unlikely to improve.

Secondly, you compile every responsibility that is listed in your job description and outline where your boss and your coworker’s obligations are adding to your workload.

KEEP RECEIPTS. Any time where you are being asked to handle work outside of your job description or on top of your standard work load, you track that.

Lastly, you’re going to organize a meeting with whoever is left of the higher-ups to discuss receiving the additional compensation you deserve for the work you are doing.

If they are not willing to offer a proper raise, let them enjoy finding three people to replace instead of two.

Mathematically,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

A newly engaged friend is not taking the stress well.

She's started to see her roommates as antagonists (whom are also my friends) and is trying for me to take her side (having both sides, it's very clearly her fault).

How would you calm down a bridezilla who hears you out but then decides, like a meme embodied, "I'mma do it anyways?”

Peacemakeringly,

Bridezilla Adjacent

Dear Adjacent,

You have to let them do it anyway.

You are not obligated to take sides between her and her roommates, nor do you have to deal with the fallout if she doesn’t listen to you.

Just pray they have an open bar.

(also, why is her future husband not present?)

Dearie, it’s not your problem.

If you want to attempt to placate her, be neutral and be willing to hear out whatever insanity she comes up with.

An “I told you so” is best saved until after the vows.

Matrimonily,

The Crone

Read the previous question in Edition #12.25: Epic Relationship Drama 

Dearest Crone (and Daniel),

I am unfortunately not a member of your Discord, but it made me so happy to see the Warm Fuzzies channel added.

I've found the little moments of joy I find during the day really do seem to make me happier, and I hope it does the same for everyone participating in Discord.

I also just wanted to say thank you- I found your content towards the end of my tailspin, and it was one of the first things that actually made me laugh.

You helped so much.

Thank you.

Gratefully,

TiredofBeingSad

Dear TiredofBeingSad,

I’m so glad that you can see the positive impact of your decisions.

I’m going to kick Daniel for not suggesting it sooner, but we’d love to have you reach out so we could organize Discord access!

If you can message [email protected] we’d love to have you!

Welcome,

The Crone

Read the previous question in Edition #9.25: It's Basically Christmas! 

Dear Crone,

Long ago, I wrote to you about a guy who did everything right but rejected them because I wasn't attracted to him.

Felt super guilty - but now I'm glad.

Since then I found a partner just as affectionate, so much more in common with me, and whenever he talks about his passions (ah, history majors..) I want to just devour him (Affectionate).

He's adorable and intelligent and, yes, so attractive to me. I'm so glad I didn't 'settle' for who I thought I should want (maybe being shallow is ok after all)

Sincerely,

(a satisfied) Black Cat

Dear Black Cat,

It’s crazy to look back and realize it all worked out isn’t it?

Finding someone who does it for you makes it surprising that anyone else was ever in the running!

Just make sure you’re taking or using your birth control.

Happily,

The Crone