Dear Crone,

I used to date this guy LD, but life's a mess, and we broke up on 12/2024.

He used to say that he had a crush on me for a year.

We stayed friends.

The thing is that he has a new GF, which good for him!

He deserves to be happy!

But... He gave her flowers. He never sent me any, tho he knew how much I love them.

I'm not jealous, I swear... But I can't help but feel like he didn't care about me as much.

I'm happy for him, but I can't help but feel like he just didn't care as much as me....

Mess in a Dress

Dear Dress,

It’s entirely possible that he wants to put more effort into his new relationship than he did with you.

But if anything, it’s a sign of the impact you left on him.

Somewhere in the memories of your time with him, it’s finally clicked in his brain that girlfriends like flowers.

Unfortunately, you don’t reap that benefit, but your next partner will also exhibit behaviors that you were missing in the last relationship, and will bring out new behaviors in you as well.

I’m assuming his new relationship is not long-distance, which automatically means it will manifest differently than yours.

If you aren’t jealous, great!

But whatever you are feeling is understandable, and it will fade as you continue in your dating journey.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

A few months ago, I met a boy and we fell hard.

He was everything…but past trauma from being cheated on long-distance made him pull away when he learned I’d be moving abroad for a semester.

He chose to heal instead of starting something with me, saying he didn’t want to drag me down.

I understand, but I’m more heartbroken than ever and don’t know how to move on because I know he does love me.

Brokenhearted bbl

Dear BBL,

His loving you is irrelevant.

He’s unavailable.

Regardless of the validity of his reasoning, you don’t have a future with him.

You move on by living your life.

You go abroad, continue your studies, and meet someone else.

Of course, there is a chance that you will both be single after you come back from your semester abroad, but I want you to focus on what’s ahead of you, rather than obsess over what could be waiting for you back home.

Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but a few months in a foreign country certainly can’t hurt.

Go experience and study as much as possible.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

My ride-or-die is dating my ex, & while I don’t hate either of them, the past 4yrs of his petulance post-breakup is now a “me” problem.

He will not apologise.

I cut them out 5mth ago.

Did I do the right thing?

Yours in isolation,

Ms. Darcy

Dear Ms. Darcy,

On the surface, I would leap to say you made the right choice.

But I’m thoroughly confused how four years of his behavior has any impact on you.

You cannot expect an apology four years post-breakup from someone with whom you have only a tangential relationship.

If you can’t tolerate their being together, by all means, say goodbye.

But if your decision was driven by a perception of what he owed you, I would argue you’re both off the hook in that regard.

Directly,

The Crone

Dear Crone & Daniel,

Eden again with a new question!

I'm 28 AFAB, fiancé is 29M.

I've known for a while that I don't want kids, and if I do, then I don't want them coming from my body, which he is fine with.

But my friends recently had a baby, and she's just perfect.

I spend a lot of time with her, and I am fully in love with her.

And seeing my man holding her?

My ovaries are going insane, and I’m questioning myself.

Am I really changing my mind?

Is my body making me baby crazy as I get to my 30s?

EdenInLove

Dear EdenInLove,

It’s entirely possible you’re changing your mind!

Whether that’s because of hormones, enjoyment of your friend’s child, or both is a bit of a grey area.

For the sake of caution, I would point out that babies are a lot more fun when you can give them back to their parents, and don’t need to wake up every two hours to feed them.

That is to say that there is far more to this question than thinking your man looks good holding a baby, though that is a bonus.

Don’t rush into anything, speak with your fiancé about these feelings, and I would recommend doing a little research into how a newborn would impact your personal and professional life.

That is not to scare you, but to prepare you, as it will be equal parts difficult and rewarding if you do decide to have a child.

Sometimes, the pregnancy trope wins.

Tentatively,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I guess this is more of me just needing reassurance.

I had to cut my family off after years of mental and religious abuse.

My mother keeps trying to guilt-trip me, I finally had to fully block her.

People keep telling me I need to sit down and explain why I am not going to stay in contact.

That I owe her because I am adopted.

That I am only focusing on negativity.

I already explained to her why this was happening.

She ignored it, ignored my boundaries, and yet I am the bad guy?

I am so lost.

Rotckid

Dear Rotckid,

I would argue that there is no rush to explain yourself to your family.

You need time away from them, so you have cut them off.

Good.

Now is the time to meet with a professional who can help you process these experiences face-to-face.

Should you eventually decide to reconnect, then you can attempt the sit-down explanation a second time.

Your mother and the rest of your family will likely be volatile during this, and so rushing into a conversation will only destabilize you.

You don’t owe anyone who is harming you.

It is in the nature of people experiencing consequences to blame the person doling them out.

You have made the right choice, now stick with it.

Gently,

The Crone

Dearest Crone,

How do I stop being guilty/sorry all the time?

I'm almost 34, this shouldn’t be that hard.

But no matter what I do, I always feel the need to apologize for it (unless what I've done is an obvious positive).

I don't want to be like this anymore, but I don't know where to start.

(Therapy is the easy answer, but it’s so expensive...)

Perpetually Repentant

Dear PR,

Therapy certainly would be helpful, if only so you could begin to work through where this behavior started, but that is a concern for later.

Until you can meet with a professional, I recommend tackling the behavior instead of the mindset.

The next time you feel the need to apologize— barring criminal activity, actual wrongdoing, etc.— keep your mouth shut.

You’ll have to struggle with the guilt, but instead of trying to assuage it, sit with it.

Allow yourself to feel that surge of emotion and ask what brought it on.

Do not move, do not speak until it has passed, and it will so long as you aren’t fighting to suppress it.

You start with one instance at a time.

I do highly recommend therapy, and I’d look into clinics that may accept your insurance, but that’s only one facet to this.

You’ll deal with the guilt by consistently proving to yourself that the emotion isn’t indicative of anything external; it’s a habit.

Just don’t say sorry, and grit your teeth through the emotional waves.

Discomfort means you’re doing it right.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Daniel,

Just wanted to drop by and say that since I met you completely by accident at the Worldhopper Ball last year, I’ve been following you everywhere I’m able to and love the content.

I’ve recently started making custom Alethi Glyphs and made one for you, the Crone, and one with both together.

I’ll attach them here, or send them to an inbox!

Dear Crone,

You’re doing a great job all around with advice and keeping Daniel (mostly) out of trouble. Your sass is noticed and appreciated!

Apprentice Calligrapher

Dear Apprentice Calligrapher,

Your work is stunning, and it was just in time for Daniel to start reading Isles of the Emberdark!

Thank you so much for reaching out!

I wanted to attach the hybrid Crone and Daniel glyphs so our Valthakai can see your work.

It means so much that our readers take the time to connect with us and showcase their talents.

We hope to see you at the Dragonsteel this year!

Be sure to say hi!

Investedly,

The Crone

PS If you’re interested, AC has given us a contact form to get your own glyphs!

Majestic Crone and Dearest Daniel,

No advice needed, but I wanted to say thank you for everything that you do!

Your writing is awesome, content is hilarious, and every time I see something of yours pop up, it makes me smile down to my soul.

I hope you find all the success you deserve.

Thank you for being there for us.

I guess I do have a question, since space allows, do you see the Crone Wanderings being published anytime soon?

Or is that classified information?

30 and Hurty

Dear 30 and Hurty,

With Volume I (Arcs 1-3) complete, it is now up to Daniel to properly compile the 26 episodes of my Wanderings for publishing.

While that is certainly something we are planning on, we’re likely going to rely on The Library Discord for tips on self-publishing and whatnot.

We don’t have an exact timeline, but we should begin this process within the next month or so.

I’m so glad you have enjoyed my stories and the rest of Daniel’s work.

So keep an eye out for updates!

In the meantime, we start Arc 4 this week!

Love,

The Crone

Dearest crone,

I have had a passion for writing and reading since I was young, and am now an avid reader.

I have recently started thinking about writing a book, but don't know where to start or what resources to use.

With love,

Flame

Dear Flame,

Welcome to the Thunder Dome.

The thing to remember is, don’t let preparation get in the way of actual writing.

This is a journey as much for the author as your characters themselves.

You’ll discover the methods and tools that work for you as you draft your novel.

I’m assuming you have an idea for a single scene in that head of yours.

Write it.

Don’t worry about length, consistency, or character arc yet; just see how it feels to transfer a scene from your brain to writing.

In the meantime, you can look for online groups to connect with other writers and find resources that may work for you as well.

I promise you, though, the best resource is a first draft, no matter how much you’ll want to burn it.

Welcome to a journey of self-discovery.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I have a good relationship with my parents, and while I have since moved out and whatnot, it appears that everyone that I am either attracted to, friends with, or merely know on a name basis has daddy and or mommy issues.

I’m beginning to wonder if I should pride myself on my parents and them having good relationships and for being a magnet to trauma muffins, or if I need to be concerned that I do.

Advice?

Confused Comrade

Dear Confused Comrade,

Unfortunately, there isn’t a standardized test someone must pass before they’re allowed to reproduce.

Thus, the vast majority of parents are… I’m going to be delicate and say incompetent.

The good relationship you have with your family has likely created a stability that individuals can sense, and it is very appealing.

Thus, you’ll find people with all sorts of tragic backstories flocking to you.

What you have to remember is that you aren’t a professional, and if they’re relying on you to fix them, you need to establish proper boundaries.

Otherwise, it is fairly normal for people to carry scars from childhood, and so long as they’re processing these experiences like an adult, you’re good to connect with them.

I will also say that individuals love to joke about having mommy or daddy issues, so take the self-diagnosis with a grain of salt.

Parentally,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I didn't get to mention in my previous submission that I decided to not tell my sister's husband, because then I won't be able to see my family and am not close enough to the husband that he'll believe me.

He believes my sister can do no wrong.

It's awful, but I don't want to lose being able to have my little brothers and niece/nephews in my life because of her actions and my lack of having a backbone when it comes to family.

Sincerely,

Rae of Sunshine

PS: My sister cheated before & when I told him, he didn't believe me.

Dear Rae,

I appreciate the clarification, and I understand your decision.

If you’ve told him before, and he stubbornly refuses to believe, that means he knows.

He’s just in denial.

For your sake, I recommend not traveling with your sister if she’s going off to have affairs, but that’s more out of desire for your peace of mind rather than any ethical standpoint.

You do have a backbone, seeing as you already informed the husband.

If he wants to be delusional, that’s unfortunate, understandable, and not your problem.

Simultaneously, you would not be in the wrong pressing the issue, but I understand the fear of losing family.

Gently,

The Crone

Dear Rae,

While I can certainly understand your concerns, I will say that a parent having an affair does not leave children unscathed.

Your niece and nephews are going to find out about this in some capacity or another, and they may resent whoever knew but didn’t tell their father.

You’re in a tough position here, and so I say speak to a professional.

But this is the kind of situation that has a habit of blowing up everyone involved.

Cautiously,

Daniel

Dearest Crone & Fabulous Host,

This is a follow-up.

Our small wedding ended up being Big (150ish, gagged) because the small guest list just got bigger until we said fuck it, we'll ball.

We're keeping it low-key and -cost (i.e. bring your own chairs) so we're kinda okay with it.

Show up and hang out with us vibes.

The wedding party knows which relatives to look out for and will 100% body block/throw down for me, and the important thing is that at the end of the day, I’m marrying the love of my life.

EdenInLove

Dear EdenInLove,

Congratulations!

You’ve done it!

You’ve planned a wedding that is as low-stress as possible, and been double featured in an edition of The Valthakan Times.

Seriously, you’re the first to do either of those things.

It’s wonderful that so many people want to celebrate with you, and if anyone smashes cake into your face, I’ll throw down with them myself.

Mazel tov on your soon-to-be perfect day.

I hope you feel like a princess.

Happily,

The Crone